I realized this..
I was being a bad person..
Why the attitude..?
It's unexplainable..
My dear, this is honestly pure cruelty to myself.
Ill-treating myself.
That's very cute..
I think I know..
"Afraid to gain too much happiness because I afraid to lose it."
So.. I refrained myself from happiness? (again?)
Or what..
Stella was very happy..
It doesn't mean I'll give up this easily..
I left this opportunity to decide..
Dilemma?
A secret..
I confessed to my own feelings.
It will only direct to hurt the old injuries that I called it scars.
Was told to be ugly duckling that never grow to be swan.
Was told to be that not lovable person because of who I am.
So I tried hard to change for others.
But forgot myself.
Hey girl,
Deep in heart, we all know it well.
This is not it..
I'm just trying to seep into my emotional self again.
So I need to snap out of it.
Dilemma because I realized just one big factor enough to cover everything.
What if people of the same kind suddenly had a difference.?
To accept? Or to let go?
This major factor affects not only myself..
I'm contradicting myself.
I honestly wish to continue liking someone.
Just.. Maybe, I'm a coward..
Backing off..
Besides, which rights do I have to feel that someone should reciprocate how I felt?
But that doesn't ends everything.
I want to say that.. I'm not giving up..
This time, I want to earn myself something.
That faith that I'm trying to venture.
That courage I don't have and used to back off
And that applaud as my reward.
So.. Let me continue, I say..
If I want to earn something, I have to suffer.
And even if the thing I want to obtain may not be the final I will get,
There is no regret.
Every choices has consequences.
Since I set my mind to it, I will do it.
Lastly, my result simply is "sweet".
To get what I want..
I will put in sufficient or more than what it needs to get what I want..
This is earning myself something..
Apology to someone whom I had given "cold shoulder".
I just need time to think carefully and sort things out.. =D
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