it same goes for everyone.. sianx right away when school is reopening ma? hais.. me too.. i was doing my canvas.. since he's on something else.. i'm so tired.. i don't feel on holiday at all.. i just hope that n level ends soon.. but it will be the start of suffering.. hahaha
anyway, my mummy.. said that i stick to laogong a lot.. especially when i kept his ez-link card don't let him return.. but just want to play.. hees.. selfish bax.. want him to accompany till 10.30pm.. he needed to go home then.. hais.. my mum thought i cried yesterday.. hais.. rude, i shouted no.. she thought i cried just because he's not staying longer.. hais.. hmm.. anyway.. i just.. hais.. i want to stay back everyday.. to finish my work and revision..
i'll continue with canvas later.. hmm.. by the way.. laogong going to navy tomorrow.. zzz.. i.. don't know what to say.. just jiayou kkx? muackx.. support you always.. muacks..
end here..
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Friday, June 22, 2007
anyway.. i'm getting into trouble.. zzz.. haix.. i completely forgotten that i should have told my mum sooner.. zzz.. and there she was upset with me again.. zzz.. i'm a bad girl.. i told her that i'll be good de.. but binbin(sweetheart) going into army and school reopening, i gotta go.. zzz.. hais.. made my mummy angry again.. "anything don't ask her" i can't be a bad girl.. sorry mummy..
anyway, this is on today.. schedule.. to have badminton today and go ice skating.. zzz.. am i going to be sick? ahahahax.. anyway.. gastric until zzz.. i want new medicine!! need a stronger one.. i'm not recovering.. zzz.. got a long sharp pain where i don't even dare to move.. a small single move, hurts madly.. zzz.. okay.. nevermind.. ask the doctor to give me a strong medicine.. btw.. DON'T REFER ME TO THE HOSPITAL!! i don't want to be put into some kind of tests.. blood test.. O.o *faints..* i just want medicine to keep everything in control.. blame it on me for not taking good care of myself..zzz..
anyway.. looking forward to see deardear.. hees.. he had been rejecting my offer to go ice skating.. i wanted to hold his hands and teach him ice skating.. this is soooooo romantic.. anyway. hahahax.. call it the lovers on ice? hahaha anyway.. just love skating.. hees.. much better than blading T_T ahahahahx... i feel so bad and wanted to pay for myself.. asking him to pay everytime is not good thing.. i would be like "demanding." hais.. if only i have the money.. anyway hees.. managed to ask mummy.. but eh... hais.. have to go home early and she's upset that i'm going out AGAIN.. zzz.. not on purpose. but i miss sweetheart lots..
heh heh heh.. later going to smack it~! i mean the shuttle cock.. ahahahhazxx.. i want to score.. hope i don't meet great opponent.. no matter what.. i'm still a newbie.. should say remained as beginner.. hahahhahax... by the way.. what are we going to do.. ehh... play.. but still don't know if he wants to come along.. heh.. zzz.. can i bring him there as well? hahahax.. hmm.. i just realised i'm one who has no courage in anything.. zzz.. O/\O anyway.. jiayou bax. i need somemore rest.. zzz.. back to sleep..
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hmm.. it was kind of hard to accept at first but soon.. hmm.. i know i could not be bad..
i'm really feeling quite bad that i actually bullied him.. as in.. he wants to play and is a "no, no".. where got so unreasonable de.. ahahhahax. and a moment.. i felt left out.. but come to think of it.. time has to be balance... hahaha..
even if he dislikes talking on the phone, he endures.. and even if i want his company, he tries to be there for me.. more than enough le.. i just got to realise that some guys, really prefers own personal space.. and when girls starts to complain that they spent too little time on us, they felt that it is sufficient.. and girls tend to share more talks.. hahahax.. but i just found out that girls have to be selective when they share with their boyfriends.. if you really want to pour everything, piles and piles, suggestions: look for girls!!! hahahahax..
since he doesnt like to talk on the phone, i try my best to talk to him in person.. <- guys prefers to face to face talk perhaps? hmm.. hees.. and also.. remember when there are times when girls starts to throw tantrum out of sudden, even if it was a few minutes ago that they were smiling at you? and guys seemed so helpless and felt, "you're ridiculous!" but actually, there are reasons behind it.. like me, i just wanted to have a nice talk, but well, he did other things.. unable to communicate, don't know how to express, we threw tantrum~ zzz.. see..? mars vs venus.. hahhaha..
another thing is, i have no rights to control their freedom.. haahax.. not directly.. indirectly. like i was kind of silently protesting, "i dislike you playing computer!" it was obvious, you see.. who can ignore when your girlfriend starts to throw tantrum? hahaha.. but ya.. maybe i should give him some time of his own.. yup.. if it goes on, he'll never tell me that he's playing games when i dislike it.. yupp.. i don't want things to turn out so "stone".. yupp.. from now, i should remind myself that while he does his things, i should do things fo my own.. yupp
anyway.. i learnt to be more caring.. thanks to jeanne jiejie.. hmm. hahahax.. back to normal bax.. at least i come to know that, it is not him whose trying to make things difficult.. it was me.. hahahax.. i have to give in.. too demanding.. well, hahahahax.. hmm.. hahahahx.. my experience!
i love you honey.. heex.. more understanding, better results.. heex.. obstacles to obstacles, our bonds will only get better.. heex.. i'll be understanding~! heex.. muackx.. baobeii forever.. loves..
today..
youngest brother.. hais.. i really find him real annoying..zzz.. not on purpose.. i tried liking him.. i used to like him a lot too.. but he became so overbearing.. is it me or him.? hais.. hmm.. it was like, he likes to ask questions but not really important.. like as, a question that was not supposed to ask, it is understandable.. yet.. hais.. and some kind of sarcastic remarks he always say that made us really mad.. i wish i could scold him hard.. but mum is always siding him.. he's a good boy who does housework without complains.. but yet so overbearing.. haix..
hm.. anyway, he wanted to play computer out of sudden.. but then, i promised my younger brother to let him play at 10pm. he just came and said, "i want to play.." but i'm still on something.. they were playing maple this morning.. and what do they expect.. everyday.. long hours.. hais..
i just told him that he used long hours to play maple.. but he shouted back that he only played for short hours.. hell.. what can i say.. i just told him to shut up cos' i knew he'll continue and continue and continue nagging.. but he complained to my mum.. zzz.. in the end.. i got scolded.. that i should not be so overbearing to held on to computer.. what's wrong with me then??? they used more than me~! hais.. i begin to dislike him more and more..
anyway.. i just saw my meimei send me a comment that she sang me songs and i ask her to keep quiet and sleep.. hahahax.. and sees me everyday made her felt bored.. hahahax.. she know i like her yet don't like me.. but just love me.. <- contradicting isn't it? hhahahahax.. yupp.. love her too.. she's cute.. > <
by the way, i wrote a lot le worx.. tomorrow going out with deardear heex.. and badminton o.O i forgot to tell him.. don't know if he wants to come along.. ahahahahx.. loves.. muackx..
end here la.. byebye~! update next time..
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Wednesday, June 20, 2007
what's happening.. zzz.. heart kind of shattered into thousands of pieces. no one will understand.. today, i fought hard to concentrate and be on canvas.. *laugh* funny, isn't it? it's was still sour.. lastly.. know.. i actually.. cried till another relapse which is long time once.. i was supposed to recover..wasn't i? i couldn't speak out loudly as i can again.. i miss the old me.. to be able to laugh, smile whenever i can.. to be able to smile broadly.. be it tough, simple. i was up to challenge.. ducked out? no matter what he tried to say..it doesn't mend the shattered.. it was last night.. i've been crying..
i should have grown up long ago.. he was the one who allowed me to be childish, rebellious, naughty.. had been living in a world of wonders; i should say.. admitted.. i'm deeply in love with him.. since the day i saw him.. actually.. when i first saw his photo, first sight in love i should say.. but knowing he was attached to another girl.. i remained to be friend.. a normal "anytime lean on" friend.. but never expect that, in a twist of fate, we actually became lovers.. after obstacles and obtacles, we still fall in our own hands.. all was out of freedom.. personal space, each of own time, recreation time..
he has an extremely unique way of relieving stress.. computer games.. which i enjoyed too.. hmm.. own clan.. my trends of games.. geex.. we were crazy about it.. but when he got out from ns, games was his first company.. i'm a bit like side dish? talking non-stop, disrupting his concentration.. he wanted to hang off.. there, i did.. but called soon enough to disrupt his thoughts again.. i feel like an annoying housefly.. zzz..
he didn't want to tell me how he felt.. when both of us no longer understand each other.. we were once understanding towards each other.. but now, we're drifting away.. tears are dried.. i need rest.. my eyes hurt.. i lost concentration.. when i asked, "do you regret being with me?" he hesitated... and said "no". something wasn't right.. hmm.. he was upset.. freedom.. hais.. i know nothing.. why.. silly. hais..
anyway.. i still love him so much.. hmm.. i should give in.. hmm.. anything that happened be it tough or not, we'll accept.. i wanted so much to just spend more time for him.. everyone would need space.. sorry honey.. i'll continue loving you de~ just like i always do.. muackx.. i love you forever.. <3>
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Monday, June 18, 2007
don't ask me what happened.. -_-"
anyway.. yesterday was feeling a bit unwell.. in all.. i learnt alot things.. experience in the malaysia trip.. hahahaha..zzz.. anyway.. haggard a bit lazy to move norhx.. stay there don't move.. zzz..
btw.. hmm.. i very bad norhx.. went out with honey.. bully laogong.. insisted he bullied me.. actually was me.. ahahahahahx.. zzz..we watched... erm.. fantastic 4 II: the silver surfer.. hahahax.. hahahahax.. haahahahax.. tired.. have to do canvas.. 3/4 my body size nehx!!! ask me to complete within this week impossible.. hahahahahahx.. sianx 1/2.. but it was fun after all.. to be able to go out with him.. but poor thing.. everytime he pay.. i wish i could pay myself.. next time when i got my pay.. all spendings on him? hahahahax.. just like he spend on me.. zzz..
kind of.. sad.. hmm.. cos' i have works to do? hahahax.. haix.. hmm. anyway.. laogong also busy with his dota.. i wish i could have some fun too.. haix.. hmm.. later go write diary then my canvas.. lastly the 10 years series.. hahahahax.. hmm.. but i want to go out/play dota with laogong *but afraid not skillful enough to play along instead bothered him*, play guitar. and... everything.. zzz.. nevermind.. hais.. *lay my head on him.*
i just chatted with gor.. <-- chuenyong.. eh.. he want to learn guitar like laogong.. hahahx.. hmm.. 7 chords.. enough to teach? hahahax.. should say exchange pointers.. yup.. hahhahahax.. i learnt guitar for dear's sake... heex.. he said he want to learn.. then from jeanne jiejie, i've learnt.. but still feels.. haix.. mm.. our relationship drifting away..? or.. is it like i'm too sensitive..? or Guowei gorgor spot on..? guowei gorgor said.. is xi guan or really true love? hahahax.. hais.. what happened.. zz.. to me.. i'm not xi guan.. but he is? i'm always invading his privacy.. i don't wish to either.. =(
then kept myself busy typing this post, so i'm not leftout.. and. virus.. i want to go.. hais.. maybe.. i just want to catch his attention by being naughty.. then.. hahahx.. go out with me.. he played PsP.. then i listen to my songs.. each doing own things... in the end.. i throw tantrum.. zzzz... see.. maybe.. i just want his attentions.. but he don't seemed to know? -_-" and me?? don't dare to tell.. hahahax.. but... tel = intrusion of privacy... see.. how to tell.. hmm.. hais.. in all.. sianx.. my fault lo.. need his attentions.. hahahahax.. threatened to cal rapheal even.. then searched his contact.. ??out of rage??.. he pressed "CALL".. zzz and then chatted lo.. but i was shocked when he pressed.. cos' i have no intention.. hahahahax.. hmm. his saddened face really somehow.. melts my heart.. and it always works.. zzzz...
and then i ignored him *though hurts in heart..* and ultimately. he used his last best stunt.. hahahax.. puppy eyes.. zzz.. like that puss(shrek 3: that kitty).. hahahahax.. but it works you know.. hahax.. hmm.. hahahahx.. zzz.. anyway.. i like that wink in the foodcourt!!! i wish i could replied.. but.. was "disgusted" by the beef.. and gastric.. hahahx..
zz.. hmm... and then.. was all cold.. but got his hugs.. hahax.. hmm.. okay la.. hahax..
anyway... glad.. love him lots... hahax.. aiyo.. wonder.. why i get happy after pouring sorrows and share happiness.. hahaxx.. kk la.. end le la.. so long.. long-winded.. hahax.. *laogong, love you no matter what hapens.. =) <3>
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Wednesday, June 13, 2007
really can't help it.. but missing my home.. my parents, my laogong, my siblings, my bed.. zz.. my meimei let me listen to a song.. a guy singer whose named lin zhi ying..? hahaxx.. hopefully no spelling error.. hmm.. dui wang.. so.. sobs.. nostalgic.. sobs.. hmm.. quote one touching phrase okay? i translated it.. sorry if not in perfect english.. hahahax
faraway stars
i could only watch you from far
wonder if you're the same
to have place love in your heart
a sky full of stars..
even if you give them to me..
a thousand of wishes..
i would only wish to exchange you in return..
to be always..
by my side..
these are the chorus la.. hmm.. but very touching.. lols.. it's speaking my heartfelt feeling at the moment.. hmm.. kind of reluctant to leave singapore.. i don't want.. > <
though it's all for the old folks.. going to help them paint the house, gardening.. but i want my home.. homesick.. zzz...
hmm.. anyway.. i worry my parents.. afraid no people take care of them.. house chores nehx? who will do? mama will forget to eat medicine.. then she'll worry.. she has work to do nehx.. hmm.. papa.. never see us so many days, miss us lo.. somemore, malaysia very big.. their heart always have "what if.." in heart.. forever kids in heart bax.. meimei and i wrote a letter for mummy.. hmm.. hope she sees it..
lastly.. laogong.. i know confinement made you sianx.. don't worry.. you'll be out in no time.. hmm.. sad.. leaving everything behind for volunteering work.. missings.. you too.. hmm.. sad sad.. hmm.. anyway.. i'm going le.. that chorus.. for you.. i know this song doesn't suits you to listen.. but.. if got time.. find this whole song? listen.. heex.. at least you know how i feel this moment.. sorry can't accompany you.. really miss you lots.. gotta go le.. byebye.. i'll take care.. love ya.. sobs.. muackx..
hais.. meimei scold le la.. zzz.. speed up work.. buaix.. update when back..
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Saturday, June 9, 2007
zzz... i have no comments i supposed.. was a bit like hmm.. tired.. don't have the chance to play much either.. first week all remedials.. hahax.. hm.. finally my time of my own.. i have to do canvas, lots 10 years series of different subjects.. hahax.. see.. haix... holiday only applies to people whose exams over..
hmm.. laogong.. i don't know what to say.. hmm.. missing you.. but yet.. don't know.. haix.. kind of tired.. speechless.. i'm tired.. planning.. that important..? though dinner.. i don't even know what to see to.. hmm.. if i'm not part of your plan, would it not disrupt your everything? i sounded ridiculous.. but, i'm really wondering.. perhaps.. silly.. haix nevermind me..
gastric getting worse.. hmm.. i just don't want to hear from the doctor that my conditions are getting worse.. but it doesn't stop the pain.. the medicine don't even work.. but how can i bear to let my parents hear? hahax.. i don't want him to know either.. i was happy.. but today all down.. maybe.. i can't keep him company.. until pop.. i don't even have the courage to tell that it really.. hurts more in the heart.. that.. i didn't get permission from my parents.. sorry.. what am i doing.. getting emo out of nowhere.. hahax.. hmm.. optimistic! hahahx.. i wish i cracked a joke and laugh out loud.. hahax.. hmm..
100 changes emotions? hahahax.. out of sudden, out of sudden.. this and that.. hahax.. hmm.. well.. i supposed everything goes smoothly.. ask and go in the night for dinner? hahahax.. anyway.. kind of want to go see doctor in hospital and.. what's up.. i may turn out just fine.. hahahax... even hospital.. i don't want to say bax.. hahax..
until i saved enough to see them.. 100 plus i supposed? hahhax.. a bit tired.. a bit hungry.. go for lunch!!! hahax.. kkx.. lax.. this post.. not supposed to let him see though.. hahax.. later he upset.. i'm happy le.. hahax.. 100 emotions right.. hahahax..
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Saturday, June 2, 2007
my deardear sick le.. kind of worried.. hmm.. i was unable to help him in ways.. hahahx.. feel so helpless.. hahahx.. he got sick soon after his walk.. zzz.. must take care.. he can't go online or anywhere.. hahax.. hmm.. i wish i could accompany him somehow.. thought he always says: i'm okay.. i'm fine.. don't worry.. nothing is the problem.. but his health doesn't say so.. haix.. am i at fault? to have brought him to somewhere else before he rushes to ns? hmm.. sorry.. his family was so worried.. i wasn't able to apologise to them too.. =(
hmm.. hahahax.. not only dear is sick.. my gorgor is sick too.. hahahax.. feverish.. hahaha.. same thing.. is fever so common? baddy mosquitoes.. hahahax.. it bit me.. hahahax.. blood thirst.. zzz... as long as my meimei with me can le.. hahax.. then i won't be badly bitten.. hahax.. still remember once in camp.. i was bitten so badly.. each limb has at least 15 bites.. hahahax.. but then my friend was worst.. at least 20.. hahahax.. poor thing.. hahax.. dengue fever perhaps.. hahahx.. xiao xin o.. nowadays.. the mosquitoes are so advanced that they loves to pass "nice" disease to you.. beware.. *evil*
hmm.. i was only in the coffee shop and went to my mum's friend's house for house visit.. hahhax.. gladly.. as you can see.. i got one post earlier.. in that house.. hahahx.. hmm.. hahahax.. nothing much.. walks only.. hahahax..
by the way.. today i'm up to mood to talk.. hahahax.. i smsed many many people whom i long lost contact.. hahahax.. hmm.. maybe a bit want to talk bax.. hahahax.. hmm.. bleahx.. happy birthday chuenyong gorgor.. <-- he is my god brother whom took care of me quite well de wushu senior.. sounds awesome? hahahahax.. *laogong.. don't jealous kkx? i love you* ehh.. sorry add in details.. hmm.. hahahax.. anyway he's one of the people whom i admire lots.. hahahax.. jiayou to be as good as him bax.. hahahax.. hmm.. anyway.. time passes so fast.. i'm sec 4 le.. going to step down.. haix.. should say stepped down le..
i miss dance!!! sobs.. i became so fat after so long.. sobs.. hahahx.. want slim down.. hahax.. i miss juniors.. hahah.. they're so cute.. live the passion!!! must go on.. hahahax.. jiayou.. hahahax.. forever.. even graduate.. i'll be back.. hahahax.. =)
kkx la.. i'll end here.. hmm.. such long passage.. so long never type long long le.. hahahax.. i want to visit zoo.. bird park.. science centre.. laogong says one day we go visit de.. but hao xiang forget le.. hmm.. anyone want to go with me? heexx..
laogong take care kkx? loves you lots lots.. muackx.. <3
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It was some time before.. hmm.. i also don't know.. hahax.. hmm.. i wanted some rest.. my school wanted us to go for remedials.. hahax.. so much.. hahahax.. i wanted some rest.. hahax.. soon after school reopens.. got to chiong again.. hmm.. haix.. and the arts.. i'm way way behind.. hahax.. got to work hard.. hahaa.. oh yeah.. hahax.. updating the blog in my mum's friend house.. not mine.. gorgor don't want let us use too long.. hahax.. okay la.. haha
poor thing.. hmm.. jiayou.. hahax.. first.. happy birthday chuenyong gor.! hahax.. ii know he might not see but.. as meimei have to wish.. hahax.. studies jiayou.. hahaax.. still got.. hmm.. seniors who are having exams, jiayou.. hahhax.. hmm.. okay la..
still got.. laogong.. take care o.. sick le, rest more =) hmm. not a long day pass.. so can't say much.. update next time.. =P opps~ =x hahaax.. see ya..
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