______Here Comes MICKEY`!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

looking at the weird expression. hahas

okay lo.. i'm trying to be naughty..

hahas.. toot. mouth can touch my nose o.!

it was midnight le. tired but still want to zi lian

heh.

mama and my papa. hahas. watching tv.

this is my phone. never see before bas? hahas.

these are just the photos that i took recently. hahas. zi lian-ing. hahas..a very long time since i zilian le. hahas. wee.. hahas.. tired le. later go prepare for food. heh. jiayou.

Squeaks` @* 11:28 PM

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wee.. chalet starting soon.. i think in 2-3 days time.. but didn't invite friends though.. not that close to my class.. hahas.. and.. don't really have best buddy in class.. so without any replies de invited friends.. hahas.. doubt they are coming.. hahas.. so.. hahas.. play myself~! hahas =)

well.. out of sudden, these days.. really got happy.. hahas. no matter sad or happy things tries to strike me down.. hahas.. learning to pursue for happiness. haha.

oh.. just had my chinese exam today.. but.. hahas.. i intended to take again next year.. hahas.. yupp.. hahas.. anyway.. still coughing.. hahas.. weeks le.. hahas..

the cough virus love me.. hahas..

anyway.. hahas.. i did it~! believe and trust.. hahas.. no matter what he does, he do, i will support de.. cos' trust and believe is the utmost important.. hahas.. so.. ya.. going to watch the stars~!! hahas.. and.. the secret is going on revelation. hahas.. fun.. hahas.. kks la.. think that's all~! hahas.. talk next time!

Squeaks` @* 8:45 AM

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Tuesday, October 30, 2007

happy~!!! haahs.. you know.. hahas.. we're celebrating birthday for my gan-mummy, the shit. hahas.. she called herself shit.. isn't she cute? she's super funny.. i mean.. humourous. zhabo's has..: banana, elaine, lynette, sylvia, xiaohan, joanne, jocelyn and qianyong.. not forgetting me.. hahas.. 9 members.. can you imagine? if we went out together in a group?

this was what happened before i reached.. they called me when i was asleep.. and.. then i dragged their time.. bad me.. haha.. i went to upload the photo of mummy and qianqi outside the photoshop machine so that i can print it for her secret present.. hahas.. and i ran into her. heh.. but a naughty girl like me.. tries to tell her the surprise. but she doesn't want to know it.. hahas.. but i told her it's a disc which is not true.. trying to tease and entertain her, looking at how frantic she was when she tried to cover her ears, pretending not to hear.. poor mummy.. hahas..

oh.. and.. then i arrived the entrance of the shop.. hahas.. they were inside.. and then.. i just went in to take a look.. hahas. i told the lady whose a waitress that i want to look for my friend.. but. after patrolling. i found nothing.. hahas.. then i called them.. they said they went to washroom.. and qianyong is inside.. hahas.. but i didn't see her.. after that called xiaohan about their whereabout after calling elaine.. but she's not with them cos' she didn't attend. hahas..

then i walked to and fro the entrance looking like a terrorist.. and then looked into the glass panel.. zz.. then hahas.. they called again.. "hey where are you now? we're back in pizza hut yet still didn't see you.." "no.. i went into the pizza hut and went to search but can't find you guys.." just when i stepped back.. and looked up.. i realised.. i was in the wrong destination.. not wrong dimension of them.. guess what.. the signboard "swensen"

to think i was walking around it for more than 30 mins.. i arrived long ago.. hahas.. then banana told me.. she thinks she sees me.. but wasn't confirm. hahas.. she said i walked up and down.. and while walking to the destination, "i know why i don't see you guys already.. wait me.. toooot" this is the conversation.. and i can't stop laughing at myself for doing something this stupid... hahas.. all the way laughing.

the croaches scared some ladies of ours out of wits.. and another.. slyvia whose afraid too analysing the croaches.. she told me, "this is what a bio student will be doing." hahas..then i was thinking of all parts of organs inside it.. and told her.. but she~ "i didn't think that far! hahas.." she stood there saying "i'm afraid of croaches", looking not frightened, replying my question.. which is "aren't you afraid of croaches?" hahas.. another cute and funny sweetheart.

anyway.. hahas.. i'm so happy.. hahas..we went to pizza hut and had pizza.. what else?? hahas.. mm.. but.. quite costly la.. hahas.. $8... sobs.. hahas.. luckily we share money buy de.. oo.. and then i had "vege lover" pizza and the vege soup.. in the end.. left me and qian to have the meal together. cos' they had been there almost an hour.. think.. hahas.. more than that.. and tried out my new camera.. clever? hahas.. later show you.. hahas.. but the birthday girl is gone.. hahas.. sobs. hahas.. but happy.. i even see her home.. later bought soya bean drinks and beancurd for mummy.. hahas.. really happy.. now.. enjoy the picture. hahas arhs~!!!!!!!! accidentally deleted many nice one.. sobs.. !!!!!!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

there.. she looked at the croaches -sylvia..

and some lost photos.. sobs..

mummy and qianqi.. haha in the airport.. cute ma?

mummy and qianyong.. birthday girl..

this is ga..now.. non-existing? don't know. but 7 members.. hahas

laogong!!! hahas.. randomly looking.. and saw this cute photo.. hahas.. he ke ai ma?

this is the photo where he look toot toot and made me laugh the whole day.. bad me. but.. loves~!

the first meeting.. heh.. he so handsome hahas.. he wasn't my boyfriend then.. he made me blush.. he sat so near to me.. hahas.. anyway.. this was the photo i showed him in our 1st year anniversary.. happy.. hahas.. loves..

Squeaks` @* 8:45 AM

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Monday, October 29, 2007

yeah.. heh~!! i got a camera.. hahas.. not bad.. i worked hard with mummy to buy one for next year's exam piece.. hahas.. great? yeah hahas.. but.. expensive.. sobs.. T-T i want my books..

in anyway.. hahas.. happy.. mm however.. hahas.. let me update you with bian tai aunties stories.. eh.. kind of bad to call them like that.. but was angry la.. hahas..

1st: an auntie was very bad.. she's quite "lazy" pushed all the shit job for us to do.. then she went slacking all the while.. as in.. she do all the easy job like setting up more cups.. and we do the clearing.. zzz.. very tired lehs. the things is not like not heavy.. and she caused us to bring to and fro of the utensils that supposed to be used later..zzz.. angry.. more angry that she want my mummy to wash that big big metallic coffee or tea container which was producing lots of heat la.. zzz.. my mummy's bone is not that good.. think she's recently diagnosed of osteoporosis. and hey.. how can i bear to let my precious mummy get all these stuffs? zzz.. what's more.. she got us complained by manager of having long period of lunch. resultant? -deduction of pay- angry arhs.. she took almost one hour too.. hmph.

2nd: another thing was.. not worse than the first.. but she's also quite a "pusher" we're not pushovers.. we worked longer than her.. and she thought we are newbies.. kept trying to order us around when she's nothing but an employee whose having the same post as us.. zzz.. then she's angry when i ignore her and kept giving me the heavy stuffs to carry.. then my mummy helped me with it.. causing me to heartache.. what an unfillial daughter..

hahahs.. anyway.. that's called the aunties' influenza attitude.. slowly all aunties turned like that.. hahas.. oh ya.. hahas.. if this continues.. i will feel allergic to aunties de.. cos' youngsters maybe strong.. but not helping those who really trying to get their lives easier by using us to earn money with easy tasks and stepping all over on our heads trying to push all blames on us when they do the wrongs yet fabricate stories to push blames on us. hais.. scary aunties. only some endangered aunties around.. sad..

went to somewhere near sim lim square.. hahas.. but the price is really nice one.. hahas.. i waiting to buy 1gb memory card for my handphone.. hahas.. happy.. anyway.. and a screen protector.. last but not least.. an mp3 player bas.. see how. hahas

^I'm a squander er..

sad. hahas.. anyway.. hahas.. jiayou.. hahas... most important is my books le.. hahas..

Squeaks` @* 7:03 AM

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Sunday, October 28, 2007

wee.. it's me again.. i find it really enjoyable to go out.. hahas refreshing.. though he looked tired.. but i think i'm happy enough.. hahas.. cos' i understand him deeper than before.. hahas.. i'll try to update soon can..? my eyes are shutting down.. too tired.. 10 hours of work.. nights..

Squeaks` @* 9:28 AM

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Friday, October 26, 2007

a naturally happy day.. it's warm in the weather.. ya.. and then hahas.. stay a happy day. just because today is today. gotta go and work later.. hahas..

my colleague very funny la.. i clear plates, he actually stretched his long arms out and hit my head.. zzz.. can you imagine? what a funny guy.. but he didn't expect that to happen.. i walked to fast.. as good as hit him on purpose myself..zzz.. but the floor really is too slippery.. hahas not my fault dude.. he didn't manage to keep his arm back in position on time and gave a shocked look when i hit onto his arm.. hahas.

i hit the wall directly because of same slippery reason.. and you know.. it's kind of.. funny.. cos' no one did it bas.. last but not least, fell because i tripped on the chair. hahas.. look malu.. everyone was looking at me for falling onto the ground flat la.. hahas.. stupid chair.. luckily, everyone's gone.. hahas..

another thing.. sian.. getting scolded because i mistook the dishes.. dirty the guest's pants.. stepping on their foot.. what's gotten onto me? hahas.. stupid moves...

i'm tired.. really.. but for the sake of assessment books and studies for o level, i will work hard.! O^O ya.. hahas.. and mm.. previously, i bought the shoes for meimei.. no money le.. hahas.. so.. ya.. precise! promise le must do it.. ya.. this is it.

and.. all the tough trainings is about to begin.. later going to work.. jiayou bas~ ya.. genting and everything.. back to jiayou.. hahas.. all the best. hahas.. anyway.. ya.. work hard..

happy 1st year anniversary. xp

:: lives are like this. we go round and round unless we jump out of it and get into another circle. precise ::

Squeaks` @* 10:42 PM

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Tuesday, October 23, 2007

hais.. another day passed.. wrongs in updating blogs in late night..

i admit.. is my fault.. i shouldn't be rude to her.. i really don't know what to say.. getting short-tempered..

she told me.. "don't go chatroom chat with strangers. it's very dangerous. i saw news about girls getting cheated. so don't chat with them. besides, you're supposed to be asleep by now. it's late."

"i'm not in chatroom! in the blog! it's a kind of diary!" in a fierce tone.

"i don't know whatever you're doing. but you're always going on the internet at such late nights.. and you went out as and when you want come back the time you deem fit.. i don't know la. i'm just trying to to warn you. you want, you listen. if you don't think it's fine, then i will never tell you again.. ignore you, do what you think right."

"you don't even trust me!"

"i'm just trying to warn you.. i'm not unreasonable. if you're trying to give me attitude in exchange of my kind intention, nevermind. i'll will not tell you a single thing again........."

that was the conversation.. what am i supposed to say.. just simple 2 sentences.. i shot my heart to death.. with my own gun pointing to my heart.. i actually triggered..

i used it in the night cos' the guys are using it in the day.. being mistaken but not clarified. or rather, no chance of speaking it out.

she pinned high hopes on me.. but i don't feel appreciated by her.. every year, i got award for fairly well results.. but this has became a "take it for granted". i'm supposed to get all these.. but i'm tired.. even exams are over.. pressure only grew bigger. her siding towards my younger brother for my fault. telling all her problems to my younger sister. loves my younger brother for what he does. and me.. slowly become a stranger in her heart..

just because of stupid sacrificial of my time for studies.. for the past 4 years in the school, i've been spending most of my time there. and my mum who was close to me when i wasn't in this school, drifted apart from me. heart just shattered.. even in the middle of the night, dare not face her, i looked her when she's sleeping with this word spoken to her.."sorry, mum"

somehow.. regretted getting good results.. cos' in the end, i got a piece of waste paper.. a paper that the society thinks worthy of. but in my heart.. it turned into nothing.. in exchange of my mum's heart, love and care. i hate it..

i should blame myself.. blames... on me.

though i've done so much that she didn't see but she saw what i didn't do. whatever i've done became invisible. used to be a fillial and good daughter, i became a rebellious juvenile in her heart..saddened..

*hearts that used to locked as one, bonding was as strong as anything in the world, cracked. one day broken which might break away.. only see a little girl from far, standing alone, trying reach out amend but was pushed away but the gust of winds. now, her heart's dead.

rather, having a circle that goes on round and round.. endless love.

Squeaks` @* 5:03 PM

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oh.. this is just another normal day.. i finished all my documenting.. and start to study again.. hahas.. in the night went to ailene jiejie house to study.. great meal.. heh..

she's 7 to 8 months pregnant.. hahas.. hmm.. on december, she'll give birth to little baby boy.. hahas.. been calling her jiejie very long.. not used to calling auntie.. hahas.. and francis gorgor, her husband is the teacher for the day.. hahas. mathematics.. hahas. to think i forgotten all simultaneous equations.. terrible.. hahas.. thank goodness he taught me.. hahas.. and.. ya.. how i wish i can be xiao gan ma(little godmother) sound like a guardian of little baby john.. hahas.. ya.. then i tried to be a doctor.. telling ailene jiejie where the baby head is.. hahas.. will be visiting her when she give birth..

and.. tomorrow study more..

sians la.. she say something again.. and i don't feel trusted la.. sians.. even if i tell her i'm using blog, she don't trust.. again.. say i in chatroom trying to talk to strangers. again.. i don't know what to say.. she don't trust me don't trust me don't trust me... whatever i do, whatever i say not trusted.. she thinks i give her attitude when i try to explain.. and what more can i say..hais.. all the things she try to make a fuss.. what more can i say.. a dead heart.. she says she's trying to warn me. i told her that it's blog! well.. fine.. a very dead heart.. drops to bottom..

an unfillial daughter in her heart.

Squeaks` @* 8:17 AM

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Monday, October 22, 2007

for the second time.. i quarrelled fiercely with her. she was angry that i scolded him. but who would have know he did so many things for my sake and in front of me all the mean things he made me feel angry for?

out of jealousy, i fiercely scolded him. ya this afternoon.. right early in the morning, he scolded me after i asked him loudly why he slept directly on my ironed uniform. all he did was giving me attitude that i should have put the uniform on the bed for bed is especially for sleeping, not putting clothes. ya i was speechless.. but for the least, he could have put it somewhere else if he wants to lie on the bed. i didn't say anything and went off.. gave everyone a bar of chocolate and went to school.

but still thinks that not even an apology. is not like i deserved his attitude. but whatever i do, especially being fierce to him, my mum would always jump to his defence no matter his fault or not. this gave me a conclusion that no matter what i say to get my only rights or fairness, it's useless..

what else can i do? then i got back home.. but before, i told my mum that i'll try to be home soon, the school only release me at 2. she thought i said i'll be back at 2. and when i got back home late after zapping the documents, asking my teacher for past years papers and wishing all the best for o level to my friends, she kind of upset that i got home late.

but the moment i see his face, just..the flare overflows and burst out.. i just went to rest.. trying to avoid doing some important documenting later that she had wanted us to do. but not with him. i was really angry.. cos' i've tolerated his occasion attitude. but no apology.. hais. then she said i didn't have enough sleep so i vented anger on him. siansation.

all i did this afternoon was cry and sleep. even an invitation to the movie from 2 good friends was rejected. hais. i don't know la.. all blames on me.. sway day. angry.

p.s: thanks for being there honey.. glad..

Squeaks` @* 8:54 AM

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Sunday, October 21, 2007

hey~! what's going on?? i was happy.. hais.. until i see this phrase,"good luck for her exam" okay.. i wasn't that sad when i see this but.. the quote for the day is directly beneath the phrase. so the message for her?? i don't wish to continue.

well.. i worked today.. got my 36 dollars again.. all for the sake of my assessment books. zzz.. and. tired.. stupid.. was supposed to get 48.. but late.. deducted my pay.. zzz.. sianx.. nevermind.. is all my fault to be late.

but ya.. i got really happy today.. honest.. cos' at least for the past few weeks of unhappiness and cold wars.. finally over.. then.. i went to see him. ya.. right after work.. not even having the time to talk to my colleagues, i went there directly to see him..

he was surprised.. heh.. when i frightened him from his side. this is the first time i see him jump too.. hahas.. so cute and funny.. well.. zzz.. ya.. maybe is my selfishness or.. i think is a way of respecting him and myself that inappropriate manner is to be banned.. ya.. somehow, ya.. i controlled. zz.. but ya.. all the sweet stuffs at first.. and.. maybe disappoint him..

but now..angry dao~! jealous.. what's that quote for..??!! missing right under the blessings for that lady.! i know, it's personal blog.. but.. you know.. what can you expect when you see his blog is about an unknown lady.. sobs.. what am i..?? so sour.. grr.. make me feel that i came here for nothing.. saddened..all like..not what i'm supposed to do.. hais.. nevermind la.. angry also no use.. i will lao de.. need to know what exactly happened too.. sobs.. poor me.. if he ever had an affair with girls and together with me.. i'll..cry.. no.. mm.. give the whole world handphone number arhs! -angry say de.. don't care now le la.. hahas.. sleep le.. tired..

cough.. sick still have to worry.. hais.. meant to be yours, will be yours.. not meant to be yours, will never be yours.. hais.. i fought for it le.. but outcome. don't know.. not optimistic about it.

sad..-am i not caring enough?-

Squeaks` @* 8:33 AM

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Saturday, October 20, 2007

mm.. fell sick le. cough.. stupid guests.. they smoke. and that path was the only one. hahas. no choice but to walk. sians.. anyway.. i got 36 dollars.. heh.. then treat my meimei and mummy.. hahas.. happy.. tired..

Squeaks` @* 3:02 AM

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Thursday, October 18, 2007

what am i doing.. trying to do rather? hahas.. i nickname of "what can i do when i see no more love" and personal message "misses is sickness-heartful or heartless"
i don't know what the hell happened to me.. but.. mm.. i.. think..maybe..just don't feel as precious as before. mm.. crazy.. or am i not in the mood.. i hope everything reverse.

i guess.. he had sensed it.. don't know if it's.. lost feelings of possession or rather.. lost his presence, mm.. i'm still figuring out.. mm.. i certainly hope everything would go smoothly as before. as i liked him. i want to see him. want to know how i feel about him. want to know how he feels about me. i know..will be sad to let him see this.. but even so, i wish he would understand.. mm.. understand how i feel.. so..he won't be pondering what wrong he did.. nothing wrong. it just lies with me.

i shouldn't even listen to emotional songs. i hear the songs.. mm.. feel so apart suddenly.. i..err..mm.. just.. maybe i can do something to lead my heart to something i wish for. maybe. i don't feel trusted. maybe, i'm still a kid to him. or he doesn't like what i've done sometimes. but. ya.. i just need understandings and love? well.. maybe.. i'm at fault after all. well. out of my control. well, i see what i can do. mm.. need time bas. i really wish to see him. so as to tell him face to face how i feel, to seek understanding. love him like i used to. mm..

from the beginning to love him more.. start from the bottom. love is to accept him for what he is. i hope.. truly he'll know, i only love him. no more doubts on me. may our love lasts.

though i might be alone now. but.hope in every moment of future, i have his shadows in every flashbacks and memories. a kid in heart.finding her soul mate.whom truly understand her.to overcome every obstacles they'll encounter. hearts not in twos but beat as one.

Squeaks` @* 7:34 AM

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Monday, October 15, 2007

back to school~ heh.. at least.. i have something to do? hahas.. but then hors. i left 371 days away from my "o" liao. hmm.. so.. i started to revise my books for physics and chemistry.. good start. hmm.. i know it's not going to work if i stand and do nothing. somemore, if i start next year, i'll look so sians.. hahas.. so.. don't stop.

tired la.. after that 1 week of holiday, i find myself so tired. cos' the irregular routine of my lifestyle. i can't imagine everyday without working and only playing. made me feel useless.. hahas.. precisely why i went to work. anyway.. i worked for 2 days but then all spent except 20 bucks.. hais.. gotta work hardf for the genting trip la.. hais. 200 bucks lehs! how to earn.? everyday only 30 plus. all money spent for the stupid workshop. a bit bu gan xin [reluctant].. hmm.. anyway.. just headache la. tired. aching all over liaos.. T_T

hmm.. yu guo tian qing~! [sunshine after rain].. hahas.. maybe too much misunderstandings.. though i thought it might just be both our faults.
actually, at first, it was me who was unhappy about certain incident. but later, he got upset that i went out with a guy. hmm.. thank goodness cold war doesn't go long..

but i ever thought if we suit.. zzz. but that's true.. after so long in relationship and obstacles after obstacles, we should click together. if one party is very unhappy and matters about weakness of another, maybe they shouldn't be together in the first place. people say we have to bao rong [accept] others since close together as a couple. ya. in anyway. still a young couple. ya.. i still thinks that sharing thoughts of each other is the best remedy for cold war. hmm. wonder sometimes. how he thinks..maybe. it's my fault.

anyway.. i'm working this weekend again. but mama don't seem to be very fang xin[peace in mind] that i'm going home in late hour alone. hahas.. cos' i'll only reach home at 12am plus which is very late for a girl. hahas.. tiredness.. hahas..

really tired la.. but wait for the coming chalet~! heh.. happy.

Squeaks` @* 5:49 PM

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Saturday, October 13, 2007

i feel terrible.. all negatives.. hais.. i.. didn't expect him to hate me. it's all my fault. why am i not trusted?

all i wanted to tell him was..i miss him. i want to see him. and.. i love him. let me be alone. sometime. to think

Squeaks` @* 9:12 PM

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i know i have nothing much to say too.. but had short walk.. having the same feeling.. still emotional.. ya.. but had dinner with my family.. better.. hahas.. happy too.. hahas.. ya..

well.. looks like a habit le.. hahas.. mm.. ya.. hahs.. tired.. i hope i still can salvage myself.with him.
maybe..? rest.

Squeaks` @* 9:56 AM

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Friday, October 12, 2007

hmm.. the guitar.. hahas.. i played.. zzz.. hahas.. changing chords too slowly.. hahas.. hmm.. confused.. need time to sort it out.. like a big puzzle of 100000 pieces messed up.. what's wrong with me.. am i.. on the brink to... give up..? hais. i will.. hang on for the moment.. i doubt i dare to get involve in it again in future if we're not meant to be.. maybe.. until university, when my thinkings are mature. i should be ready, then maybe by then. ya.

walking alone in the garden also don't know why tears welled up my eyes.. i need a shoulder to lean on.. maybe? hmm. slowly bas.. adapt to what i am now.. then maybe.. i'll be fine.

Squeaks` @* 9:02 AM

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oh well.. getting emotional again. hahas. zzz.. anyway.. hahas.. i really.. don't know. ya. i've talked to qian.. hmm and her problems.. somehow.. like stuck in the same emotion.. ya. but.. wish to be cheerful ladies. and.. we visited nanyang jc.. really happy.. hahas.. advanced i should say? quite cool.. but.. somehow.. i still little prefer meridian. hahas.. though they have some air-conditioned class rooms. ya. nice environment. but i like the spirit of meridian. hahas.. see first la.. but still the same. i'm aiming for jc.. "i want go jc!" this was what i said in both mj and nyj.. hahas..

hmm.. still kind of can't face him..maybe.. it's me who's having the problem.. well.. hmm.. maybe.. later.. i'll talk to him again.. ya.. hahas.. weird me.

Squeaks` @* 5:30 AM

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Thursday, October 11, 2007

he has something to say.. communication breakdown.. hais.. i was thinking of separation.. not break up.. maybe sometime to cool and think it over.. but.. he... doesn't want.. hmm.. at least i know he loves me.. heh.. we'll see..

Squeaks` @* 1:29 PM

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it's 3am in the morning.. but i insist on typing this.. heh. got ready for my next day to be ruined by scoldings.. i promise my mum to be back home early. heh.. but ended up late. reached home at 11.30pm.. heh

i went out with senior to watch movie.. ya la.. he very very sian.. then i also.. hahas.. then intended to pass him guitar let him play de.. but then. we went to watch movie.. hahas.. "mr woodcock" is the movie.. very funny la.. hahas.. aiyo.. don't know how to explain content. but i laughed my head off.. hahas.. then he also ma.. hahas.. the whole audience too.. hahas..

firstly, we went to plaza sing. intend to watch "daywatch" but then he consider.. and.. we think not nice, go to the cathay.. but then, hmm.. still not happy with the time of "daywatch" in the end walked 2 trips.. hahas.. so decided to watch "mr woodcock" i didn't expect him to do research before coming for a movie..hahas. he was able to answer what movie is about.. hahas.. we've bought the 7.40pm one.

then went to have dinner in kopitiam.. but is never bored.. cos' he always has something to continue my conversation. maybe when 2 talkative people get to see each other, they'll talk more than ever. hahas. and.. we had a fish fillet rice. yupp.. indonesia style.. taste super sweet sia.. too much sweet sauce. the fish turned black totally. though we eat the same la.. hhaha

then we went to arcade in the x-zone.. heh.. he treat me play racing car.. heh heh.. first round he win..-"what the.. i was in front" second round he win-"wa~!! idiot arhs.. *(refer to not nice to hear words)eggs eggs eggs*~! like the i overturned, he win??!! grr.." then we go play time crisis II.. stupid me.. don't know reloading.. hais.. die faster than anyone sia.. not used to step paddle reload. he win again lo.. then i play the extra bball.. out of 3 balls, 3 balls..!! no la.. out of 3 balls, 1 only.. cos' all other overshot.. and hey~! he laughed at my skills! actually want to try out the press button game. ya.. hahas.. but time almost liaos.. he take me back to plaza..

we go carrefour buy snacks.. heh.. save money.. he pronounced as "car fu" hahas.. then i pronounced as "care four" don't know which is right. he said.. it's the right pronounciation of carrefour as in french. heh.. then i play a bit.. too loud.. he went off.. hais.. hahas.. then we went to the escalator. then got some snacks. he say, all crushed, then we bought chocolate in biscuit.. a special calbury one.. hahas. he told me that he like ferrero.. heh me too.. but.. got other brand he like too.. i never eat before. well.. still got.. the drink.. hahas.. went to fridge.. all not cold one. poor us.. heh.. then we drink green tea.. same again cos' don't really know what to drink. hahas..

we got up stairs.. and found out.. hahas.. i'm always on the dot or late.. heh.. then he told me "watch movie with me confirm on time one" hahas.. i see.. hahas.. then the movie we laughed and laughed.. hahas.. then still need him to say calm down arhs.. hahas.. stupid me.. hahas.. then we walk walk to the heeren and tell about each of our own stories then window shopped in heeren de hmv.. hahas.. then kept discussing about movie, eng songs, jap song..sometime. passed him some funny looking movie.. then laugh about it.. ahahas.. didn't know we can stay so long.. hahas.. 9++ go there, 11 then come out.. shopping centre almost close liao.. and die.. late go home.. hahas. on the way talked again.. hahas.. until.. hougang.. he still engrossed in listening.. hahas.. but he has to get off.. hahas.. and then wonder if i can get home myself.. of course can! ahahas.. then he not fang xin.. told me to sms.. hahas.. like this lorhs.. hahas..

but wait~! all don't mistake.. he is my gorgor.. hahas..bring meimei out play.. hahas.. somemore he so tall.. my laogong is lee bin hao.. hahas.. ya.. then got home.. scolded, as usual, hide in the room.. and coast clear, i go out.. hehe..

Squeaks` @* 12:05 PM

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Wednesday, October 10, 2007

sometimes, girls can be so irony.. 360 degree changes.. hahas.. you know.. was emotional yesterday.. and now?

nah~! get away sadness.! and stupid! bleahs.. heyhey.. you can't ruin my day..nah nah nah nah nah.. xp.. i received an sms from my senior just now.. heh.. we go play guitar.. and.. lastly~! hahas.. we go play outside..! don't know where la.. but.. play play only.. hahas.. see~!?? hahas should be watching movie? hmm..

i want to ice skate! swim.. heh.. siao liao me.. hahas

oh ya.. i worked with jiaxian at furama hotel today.. 7am till 12pm. siao one.. in clarke quay.. yet.. hais.. so far.. wake up at 5.45am.. still reach there late.. hais.. hahas.. waa.. tired.. but sian.. hahas.. earned.. hmm.. $27.00 for 4 1/2 hours.. hahas.. zzz..

going out ma..? thinking..? ya~! go out hao le.. hahas.. play yeah~! all the way hey! hahas.. *got carried away*.. hahas.. heh.. zz.. no more sms.. hais... hahas.. where.. haiyo.. go play lo.. update later. bye~!

Squeaks` @* 11:54 PM

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her words.. maybe nothing big. but.. is.. from her.

"i did something out of rashness.. which i refer to, i told him something i shouldn't have said.. all my words. sounded so down, right to the bottom.. maybe just.. hais.. i don't know what to say..

it hasn't stop.. when will you stop all these to torture both of us??! still, the destination hasn't stopped.

i'm confused.. totally confused. what have i done wrong? maybe.. the only one suffers one who doesn't let go.. i can't escape. who the hell am i now? i'm now nothing but a shell without a soul. not a moment of peace inside me.. i seemed to be wondering about..i am not someone whom i used to be.. no longer. how can i get myself out of this mess..? i felt disgusted by my own actions. unlike other people whom are innocent. who am i now..? what shall i do now.. where can i hide myself then? down right stupid me.

i wonder how he thinks.. maybe escape? escape from everything, or say his heartfelt words.. maybe, let go he'll say? well.. i'm nothing.

let me be blur forever.. dropped all and leave it to happyness maybe not brood over it might just ease everything. i be an eraser, all the things written, erase...

sorry for being such an emotional one. maybe.. if you really have something to say, just speak up.. at least, i know what i can do. i'll be... back to myself soon.. and.. i have something important to tell you personally.. when you finish looking through this post, i'll tell you. not negative. i promise. sorry. "

this was what she said before she ends, and heart stopped beating fast. a sigh of relief.

Squeaks` @* 3:27 AM

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Tuesday, October 9, 2007

i wasn't supposed to be like this. not others fault but only to those who is a conscious wrong-doer. i... am one.

she asked the questions that wasn't supposed to be known. but trust me..completely.. no doubts at all.. it pricks me really hard, hurts me really deep.. to have tell her everything positive with dubious lies and hid all the negatives of truth. i.. lost my way.. didn't lie to her for my life. for her importance in life is far far far more precious than mine and an extremely cherish within me. she's too important. and if i ever lie to her and it's discovered, i'm a goner. not only so, it breaks her heart where i lose her attention upon me. she gave me my life. to see the world. what's life without her? i can never do without her.

on the other side, i felt wrong and guilty to cause him to put all blames on himself. because i should take bigger responsibility to be a conscious doer. i.. was...it's all my fault. falling into darker darkness.. i don't even know how to face him. i'm not a good girlfriend. not understanding enough, childish, demanding, disturbing. making him sad.. guilty.. all my fault..

hais..

my brother gave me a ride on the bicycle.. that was the first time. ya.. hahas..

Squeaks` @* 4:47 AM

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Sunday, October 7, 2007

hmm.. should say.. 5 plus am play and practise the guitar. hahas.. well well.. hahas.. coming up chalet.. i was wondering.. hees.. really wish to enjoy wors.. hahas..hmm. feel like going many many place..

want to go swimming, downtown to play in escape theme park.. and.. hm..pasir ris park the spider web.. hmmm. and go to esplanade to watch the star.. look at the sea.. and.. also.. everywhere~! hahas.. just.. hahas.. missed~! hahas...

anyway.. hahas.. want to work but kept forgetting to book the time.. hahas.. ya.. hahas.. aiyo.. try my best to book.. sotong la.. hahas.. jiayou jiayou.. hees.. and waiting for my hope of results.. aim.. 10 points.. please.. it's for the "o" yupp.. hais.. try hard.. going bonkers.. hahas..

later update or what.. hahas

Squeaks` @* 1:46 AM

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Saturday, October 6, 2007

hahas.. should say it happened yesterday le! hahas.. my papa and mama brought us out for dinner.. hahas.. really nice.. hahas.. but then.. the waitress attitude quite bad.. she throw the plates of rice on the table.. that's serving us??? hais..

hahas.. then the food got really slow to reach.. all were hungry.. but food nice.. like the vegetables! hahas..mama and papa still say jokes.. long time never like that le.. hahas.. we had black pepper crab, cereal prawns, my favourite xiao bai cai and.. tie ban tou fu. ya.. hahas..

and then.. nice nice~! hahas.. we went for walk in punggol park.. and play swing~!! hahahs.. i won everyone~!! hahahs.. wee.. the highest among all.. but.. honestly speaking, i envy didi.. they got mama and papa to push them.. i want it too.. hahas.. still a kid.. hahas..

i played see saw with didi and monkey bar.. not good.. haha.. and lastly, the slide.. hahas.. but really happy.. my papa challenge me eh.. in the end he got flying around.. hahas.. my mama kept laughing.. hahas.. they're sweet.. hahas.. and we got home to watch resident evil 2:apocalypse. hahas.. yeah.. but papa sleep soon after.. never finish watching.. and dear maybe coming to watch resident evil 3: extinction tomorrow.. hahas.. yeah..

cool.. hahas.. i wonder... when will we have such outings again..? maybe, i'm too old for this child play by that time.. i miss it.. hope mama and papa will bring us out for such outings again.. hahas.. loves my family.

Squeaks` @* 2:42 PM

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really happy.! hahas.. this is the first time i go to an open house. hahas.. it's on the friday, 5th of october '07.. can you imagine, a timid girl went in for a visit.? really hilarious.. want to know what happened after that? this is how it goes..

this short timid girl, who is me, took this bus 89 to meridian jc.. and have you got any idea that when a blurblur who doesn't have sense of direction get lost easily.? hahas. ya.. this was what happened.. hahas. my senior, an ex-student of nan chiau, entered this school currently j2, shiwen jiejie. in short call her jiejie la. hahas. and she directed me through phone how to go. there, outside the compass point, take 89 to meridian jc at the bus-stop which has bus 27 where i see wiie go home everytime..

poor thing.. wearing that pink pants which i felt weird. *shy.. ya and a white top, sleeveless.. i walked to the compass point interchange and called jiejie. but then. hahas.. i told her, i didn't see bus 89. she said it's outside. but, the moment i got out, i forgot the bus number.. hahas.. afraid, i called her again for the bus number and confirm the bus number again thinking that it's 87 and 87 and 87.. hahas.. then i went to the few bus stop where 87 is there.. silly.. called her again to confirm that it's 87, she told me is 89. only then i realised, i shouldn't have walked that extra distance. cos' the bus-stop i went to was right. hahas. before i got onto the bus, still thought that is 87 and almost hop on the to wrong one. this is called stubborn foolishness. hahas.

but when i got onto the right bus, to think i was directed, i over shot the bus-stop that i should get off.. hahas.. and walked back, talking to myself, getting too excited.

then there was 2 mjc students who came out to give flyers. the moment they came out, i hid myself behind the wall and call jiejie repeatedly. hahas.. then more secondary students came in for visit.. i've got the urge to go in with them, but who knows if they think, "who is she? kept following us.." so.. i sat at the bus-stop trying to stay calm. hahas.

then jiejie called.. she said she was in the midst of consultation.. felt really bad.. hahas.. then, she told me that she'll pick me up and suggested me to walked into the school. hahas.. but i said there, stoned. hahas. until she specially came out to find me. felt bad.. hahas.. but really happy. hahas.. hahas.. then the first stop we went to is... library!!

she was having consultation there. wow~! haha 2 storey de!!! hahas.. never really seen 2 storey de jc. hahas.. but cool~! hahas.. they were having performance on the first floor and all the booth. can see that the library on the 2nd floor is a very quiet environment. noisy also because of open house. hahas..but on the 2nd floor everyone was students eh~! then only me, in this outfit. the moment i stepped in, the footsteps heard, all the students turned and looked at me.. then i felt malu, at the same time, ugly..-don't like the pink pants that's why- then the geo teacher of jiejie looked at me and asked jiejie, "what is she doing here? why is she in this outfit?" something like that.. then. the more malu i felt. nevertheless jiejie solved them all.. hahas.. i also got hear their strategy of answering questions o! hahas.. but forget liao.

after her consultation, she brought me around to see the cca booth, the very first one, her taekwondo cca, at the slope there near the hall.. i got the spelling right? hahas.. then she play with her friends.. so cute la her..she protected me from her friend's attempting to "bully" me. she thought la. hahas.. cos' her friend wanted to stuffed me with the ice-cream stick cute guy in taekwondo outfit to join them. very cute. still keeping it o! then she brought me to the corridor and watch the house competition and dance performance.. sobs.. seniors underperformed..

then she brought me all around, to the air-con hall.. wow.. people playing badminton and her playful friend went there to cool themselves.. hahas.. funny.. then we went to the special school cafe stall.. hahas.. it's taken care by students o! so cool. they sell many ice-cream.. she recommended lychee when i don't know what to choose.. nice lehs! ..hahas.. so funny. we went to the smack ball.. eh, is this the right name for it.?? hahas.. forgot.. then we visit. she explained to me how to play.. there was 2 courts, we visited one, where the girls are playing. after that we visit another one. hahas. then the ball hit the roof and almost fly towards us~! hahas.. lucky la. not hit.. the ball is heavy. maybe hit, will baluku. scary.. hahas.. dangerous zone okay?

then went on to the basketball court, tennis court, soccer, street soccer.. did i miss any? hahas.. ya.. many courts la. hahas.. then shooting-range. wow.. dangerous. and the dance studio.. ya..and the lecture hall.. really big!! wow.. if me.. hees.. so cool.. after that.. we went to the canteen where all the stalls are held, class stalls. hahas.. then she brought me to see the cca notice board.. actually was me who wanted to. hahas. then think it was 4 plus.. we both were hungry.. hahas.. then went to her class room.. ya.. hahas.. then buy drinks where most of the drinks were gone.. but i must say, they sure has a lot of vending machines. i want my school to have it too~ T_T

had a short chat and lunch.. hahas.. she introduce me photos too.. hahas.. then stayed almost till the end, the auntie told them to be out of the classroom.. hahas.. then we went to watch the finale. hahas.. prize giving and she saw her chem teacher.. they say want to trick us come in.. hahas.. and say how interesting the subject can be.. but all.. hahahahahhas.. but actually really interesting.. the teacher even suggested to me to join meridian. hahas. lastly.. we watch the mass dance.. very high lo~! i was tapping my feet already.. and jiejie jumped and played. hahas, she got high too. and i heard her sing.. so cute. hahas.. then they sang school songs. hahas.. but better than our nan chiau school song la.. hahas

and.. i saw many friends who visited.. and also, many seniors who remembered me.. hahas.. maybe too blur.. hahas.. then especially one senior.. drastic changes.. his name is pronounce "sydney" but.. don't know the actually spelling. ya hahas.. wished to say hi.. but.. too shy.. hahas.. afraid the teacher might be waiting.. but i'm only sec 4(na) this year. so.. you know.. how sad it can be? hais.. and lastly. hmm.. 10 points to get in arhs!!! die.. hahas.. means must get higher than laogong.. kind of impossible la.. hahas.. somemore this stupid brain doesn't work. i'll step on fire to get in de.. i want go meridian~! to fulfill my wish on going to university~! yeah~! hahas.. jiayou jiayou!~!!!! aim 10 for "o"~! hahas.. poor me..

anyway.. really must show my gratitude to shiwen jiejie.. all because of her, i enjoyed so much.. thanks thanks thanks!!! otherwise, i wouldn't know it's so fun and so on!! yeah!! aim, go university. hahas..

Squeaks` @* 1:17 PM

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always a person whom doesn't think happily, sees someone close, will feel sad. so.. am i the burden or the sentimental?

i just changed this blogskin. find it quite cool though.. hahas. long ago wanted to change le. just touched by him that he had the same blogskin as me. then, didn't want to feel different.

hmm. is this what i want? maybe thinking too much.. but kind of not letting go..paranoid. but so far this special feeling goes, the more.. i feel.. hmm..*smile.

actually, during this period of time, all the love and care showered, really enough to drown me. but still having to be expectation high, maybe, i think.. i didn't do a good job.
no matter what, things are kept the way it is. secret of each other has a distance to keep us away from one another. or rather, a gap. not trying to be hard. but i just.. felt that.. "distrusted"

it's really wrong to doubt. but. nothing of trust. from the past till now, every little emotional he might show, he kept in heart. or, answer is, unknown. just don't feel the right way in my heart. getting my mind thinking out of nowhere.

and..just like myself in the past, he told me not to keep in heart so as to not worry him. maybe, i did it. but others, remained the same. am i.. not an understanding one?

so far, i think i did my best. i suppose.. to keep both studies and relationship under control. capable? no.. still as lowly. not high yet not low. just like someone drowning in the pool, can't reach the bottom nor stay on the surface and just let the half-way ones die in the middle. people still look down. forever bottom.

finally, i think i did the right thing to care. ya. maybe it'll go on.. just.. on and.. on.. anyway, it's anniversary soon. maybe i was not caring enough.? nevertheless, i'll be there.. yupp.. hang on, maybe obstacles are still waiting.coming up. ya. well.. hahas.. tiredness yet happiness. though some people might think that the show ends here, i'll prove, it last longer than forever--confidence.

Squeaks` @* 12:41 PM

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About

.stella.sekki.
Age 17. Jan baby.
Student.Vocalist

Adores

I.adores.my.family
I.love.my.band.band.
I.love.my.friends.

Friends

Arthur.Rockstar!
Anonymous.friend
banana.zhabo's
beike.sister
Ben/Vermon.brother
cornelius.schoolmate5B
denyse.dancejunior
devilrinas.dancejuniors[nuers]
elaine.zhabos's
felicia.dancejunior
huiishaan.schoolmate5B
huiting.classmate5A
ivy.dancejunior
jason.band
jerrome.band
kamy.tuitionpal
khaiyin.dancejunior
kira.bandmember
linqi.secclassmate5A
liyun.dancejunior
magdalene.secclassmate4B
meiqi.classmate5A
min.cutegirl
priscilla.dancejunior
qian.bestbuddy
qimin.dancejunior
raychel.specialgirl
shitsteadjocelyn.mummy
shuqing.beike'sfrien
shiwenjiejie.sweetsis
sylvia.zhabo's
wanling.dancejunior
xue.sister
yanhan.dancejunior
yeejoo.5Aclassmate

Credits

Oh Boy~!

History

April 2007
May 2007
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October 2007
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