silence.. this was what i did for the past 2 weeks.. less than 10 sentences is spoken. i've become an introvert. this is not me.. i don't wish to return to what i was. i miss qian, wiie, siie. i lost my presence.
i had been quiet. lowering my head as if i did wrong to the whole world.. and i thought i did. i did to someone. another announcement was made. it affirms the impossibility of return.
this was yesterday.. i cried. when i saw blood out of my spitted saliva. i feel so helpless.. no one's there for me. no one. i miss the days. last year was the best year. i "graduated" that year. i'm living in the past. my own dimension. what does that insignificant blood shows? i'm getting myself into trouble. the reluctance of knowing the fact-- i might have already contracted stomach ulcer. or worst, a deadly disease. sending myself to the grave.
i cried hard.. i'm still alive. i am.
i have all symptoms.. constant pain. i lost my senses. for all i care, my studies comes first. i wonder at times.. how long more do i have? my ignorance.
some thing happy. i've completed my common test. my utmost concern is my mother's reactions towards my result. i think i did badly. i didn't try my best. i didn't. i feel guilty. i know where i stand. therefore, i wish opt for my second thought..-going to polytechnic. hoping to continue with my mild hope. the chemistry? yea.. i wonder.. can i make it? *laugh. maybe yes.
i feel so tired. can i..rest? is there anybody.. who can lend me his/her shoulder to lean on? can you..hold my hand and walk on the rest of life with me? can you..watch the stars of hope with me? my simple wish.. -making a wish is easier than fulfilling.
i..need a rest.
life is short.. cherish everyone around you. i think i will live longer.
should i.. see a doctor now? or after my "o"levels.? in dilemma.
i wanted to watch leap years. i think.. i got it wrong.
i told him that i wished to watch. he said he wanted too. but.. he said there is a tradition in Irish. that on the special 29 feb, if a girl ask a boy to go out with her, he has to oblige. he has his duty to do. but then, we need to attend the class' celebration for completion of common test. i was thinking.. i should watch it alone. this movie must be watch on 29th. this is once in four years' special day. i can't miss it. i..wish to go pasir ris park too.. i shall see.? but..going alone.
i feel bad. sorry for..mm.. thoughts of going alone. mm.. well.. attend something more important for yourself. -whisper.
sigh..
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