somewhere where i don't belong.
right. that's right. i don't belong there; had myself indulging in this emotions. the weather perfectly suits my mood.
i got up in the morning, got to know new friend, jieming. a colleague. and he's a cool, quiet guy. and to be shocked early in the morning. luther, zijie working! my seniors. hahas. quite cool. we worked like normal and parted in our ways after the work. and shane, he has already done his job. not working anymore. yupp.
here. i collected 8 school ties. 2 more to come tomorrow. yupp. elroy and yeeteng lending me. hahas. and.. xueying, need to tell her that i really appreciate her help. and joseph and jiaxian. thanks for making the effort by coming down to lend it to me. sorry about calling xueying for disturbance. and aloysius, elroy, lei yi, kai yi.. guys.. thanks~
mm.. i went to aloysius's house. but those who promised played me out. zz.. thank goodness there are guys who has a lot of ties. haha. glad.
and on my way, i had dinner with jiaxian. and.. i told him to part in the control station. but he said he'll see me to the bus stop. thanks for the company. but i'm fine.
just.. quiet all along. and there was this 2 ladies. crazy. hahas. she twitched on my head dude! crazy. i don't know them. but i can still tolerate.
and when i alighted in bus interchange, i saw the place.. where he used to fall in his squad. he bus stop where we took bus in many events.
-when he had his passing out parade, he saw me home.
-on his 18th birthday, we took bus to bbq pit.
and.. then remembering everything out of sudden. i took bus 403. to my campsite
on the way, i saw the route..he took. the last chalet together. his path, the chalet, the bus stop. the rocks near beach, the bbq pit. the trees.. everything. all came back to me.
just out of sudden, my eyes stung and water welled up. it's sour. i didn't know they are tears.
after i placed my bag inside the room, i brought my brother to spider web. we climbed. i reached the top again. and then.. came down, till the rope that i can't reach the ground. remembering, you held me, carried me down. but now, i jumped down..on my own.
i walked.. to the swing.. swing as high as i could. remembering that i once told you, "i love to swing myself high and all the way, so that i can throw every single sadness away. that's my purpose to play a swing!". then, with you around, swing is rather redundant to me. but now, i need it more than ever. the leaves fell.. a piece by a piece. look beautiful. yellowish green. the perfect view. then, i wished you were here to see. every piece stand every single bit of yearning and missings.
i walked.. as i walk, we stop by the rocky area. beach is just beside it. i look at the sea. with some shining bright factories. faraway. the sky was a bit reddish.. purplish. i can't see a single star. all covered by the clouds. then, i remembered, having you to rest on my legs, watching the stars. observing constellation, star formations. and even our wishes.. shooting stars. sea breeze.. it was the world's best happening ever. a dream where girls hoped and pinned for. but now, i'm sitting here alone, watching the sky full of clouds, as if it's going to rain. like how i felt. spotting stars alone.. all alone.
having to look at the trees. remembering.. we ran.. to rushed for the sun rise. the first night, we ever spent. together, watching the sunrise. having cold wind blowing at me. but no fear. i've got you. your warmth. your hug. we watch the sun rise. but now. i'm in darkness. surrounded. for i know, in every future sunrise, the fortunate girl to receive the warm hug, will no longer be me. no more.
warm tears really started falling.. i yearned.. yearn for your love. that will never return. i know. empty inside. i wished. wish you were here with me. so.. this year, i won't be so lonely. the first shooting star.. i wished for.. will no longer be fulfilled. *"i wish.. we'll be together for this lifetime, many more. eternal. please grant me this wish. to love only you." how i wish.. how i yearn. how i miss. every single moment i used to spend with you. it's deeply engraved in my heart.
i cried.. harder.. harder. silent cries. no one hears me. for i know, this moment won't last. remembering when i first used "eternally".. "i love you eternally" you say, it's a stronger word than forever. as though it will never end. till time ends, or even longer than time ends. i.. use this word..ever since.
i know..that. from the very moment.. you told me. "i'm not worth it. find another better guy. who treats you better." you shattered my heart. i don't believe what i've heard. carrying a single hope to hear only "i love you". but you've repeated it. exactly the same. i know..even now, you'll give me..the same answer. i can only slowly step back. a step by a step further away from you. closing my eyes, no longer knows how far i have walked away. so i won't turn back to you.
i'm just this silly. this place no longer..belongs to us. not part of me, but had parted me.
and sometimes.. i really wondered..if everything had happened. it's just like a dream. we..are not together anymore. however, it lingers. last year's october till now, the joy you've brought me filled my dull life into lively. but now, i don't what's in me. the memories were so much.. that i can't stop crying. all the way home.
for this matter of fact, we're not together anymore. impossible "dream come true"
my life..is incomplete without you.
but you'll never come back anymore
until the very december,
enjoy our very last moments of joy..together.
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