never understand how it feels. like.. to read my past.. flashing through the past.. like a rewind tape.
it's so confusing. i hope i did something right. i really hope i do.
love can't be cut up
cos' love is a centre of one's heart
if it's ever been cut up,
the person's dead
i just came back from malaysia's genting not long. hahas.. i came back yesterday. i really wonder. hahas.. how i get all the energy to hold on till 2am yesterday. i woke up 2 pm today. hahas..
actually.. hahas.. during the trip, i thought it.. quite through. i still wonder how i'm going to face him. if his answer might ever be a "no". i really once hoped. we can get back to what we used to be. fearful of rejection. a build up wall of separation.. it welled up.. maybe.. a protection.. to not get hurt anymore.
the first thing i see his blog, "how have he been?" doing well.. what about her and him? the comments.. i just.. can't stop bleeding inside me. the heart. cried and bleed at the same time. i went numb all over. cos' i'm not needed. over sensitivity. acted up.
he once said.. "you can find some better guy than me. don't wait anymore."
i...know. my affections.. is my dream. forgetting him needs a lot of courage and time. using..my whole energy to numb off the pain. get over. it's over between us.. right?
how i wish.. i have the courage to tell him.. "i want to celebrate your birthday with you too.. for one sufficient reason: i love you." but..
someone says: you tried to do many things to see him again. to make up.. this is a normal reaction.
but..is it needed.? my companionship.. needed?
"our love was not simple." he said.
i requested too much. only pressurised him. maybe my away is not a bad thing for him after all. it's a no wonder..that he hesitated.
with his friends and .. accompany him for his birthday.. i rest assure le.
will i have someone by my side to celebrate mine too?
if i'm alone, i would go out.. all the place.. over.. has the stars to accompany me. and.. tiny.
silliness. i confronted him. feeling.. he's..different. very.. caused him to change. he wasn't like this before. his "i love you" to every girl, stabbed deeply. a reply.. he says..he's like this. flirt..
silence filled the emptiness.
he said..i love you so easily to other girls. miss them..
something i'd never do to guys whom i don't love. something so hard to say it out.
maybe i'm the cause to hurt him this deep. so..i feel so responsible. can i know..how to cheer him?
out of pain in the heart, i let go even more.
tell me.. what can i do?
i.. told him then. let it go. "it's over." he didn't do something unfaithful. is my fault.
let everything go. i doubt.. we can get together.
tell me.. what should i do?
doing right?
and i need to hand something to his sister through him. maybe for the last time. before i isolate my self.. to loneliness. the last time.. to stay by him. last chance. to be his girlfriend. to be..
how can i bear to..let him suffer alone?
but.. he has friends. i know i can.. can.. be.. your.. farthest guardian.. the most away. watch by you. i can't reach you. but you live inside me. just.. put my hand on my heart.. you're there. held back tears.
don't bear to.. let you go. but..i have to.
i know. if i'm far from you.. from the moment i leave you.. you'll be..safe. you'll heal faster than ever. won't suffer pains.
the day. i see you last time.. will be the day.. i leaving you..forever.
not able.. to.. see you. no more.
i'll bear the consequences. to take up..the pains from you.. be your guardian.. angel.. always..
i'll watch you from far.. always.. staying here in heart.
yui song.. 15 dec.. we watched her show.. with ending song.. "i remember you"
take great care.. cries.. i..love you..eternally.
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