what's happening.. zzz.. heart kind of shattered into thousands of pieces. no one will understand.. today, i fought hard to concentrate and be on canvas.. *laugh* funny, isn't it? it's was still sour.. lastly.. know.. i actually.. cried till another relapse which is long time once.. i was supposed to recover..wasn't i? i couldn't speak out loudly as i can again.. i miss the old me.. to be able to laugh, smile whenever i can.. to be able to smile broadly.. be it tough, simple. i was up to challenge.. ducked out? no matter what he tried to say..it doesn't mend the shattered.. it was last night.. i've been crying..
i should have grown up long ago.. he was the one who allowed me to be childish, rebellious, naughty.. had been living in a world of wonders; i should say.. admitted.. i'm deeply in love with him.. since the day i saw him.. actually.. when i first saw his photo, first sight in love i should say.. but knowing he was attached to another girl.. i remained to be friend.. a normal "anytime lean on" friend.. but never expect that, in a twist of fate, we actually became lovers.. after obstacles and obtacles, we still fall in our own hands.. all was out of freedom.. personal space, each of own time, recreation time..
he has an extremely unique way of relieving stress.. computer games.. which i enjoyed too.. hmm.. own clan.. my trends of games.. geex.. we were crazy about it.. but when he got out from ns, games was his first company.. i'm a bit like side dish? talking non-stop, disrupting his concentration.. he wanted to hang off.. there, i did.. but called soon enough to disrupt his thoughts again.. i feel like an annoying housefly.. zzz..
he didn't want to tell me how he felt.. when both of us no longer understand each other.. we were once understanding towards each other.. but now, we're drifting away.. tears are dried.. i need rest.. my eyes hurt.. i lost concentration.. when i asked, "do you regret being with me?" he hesitated... and said "no". something wasn't right.. hmm.. he was upset.. freedom.. hais.. i know nothing.. why.. silly. hais..
anyway.. i still love him so much.. hmm.. i should give in.. hmm.. anything that happened be it tough or not, we'll accept.. i wanted so much to just spend more time for him.. everyone would need space.. sorry honey.. i'll continue loving you de~ just like i always do.. muackx.. i love you forever.. <3>
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