I've reached..home.
my mum was terribly angry when i talked back. i said "why they have the privilege to have their own savings while i don't?" she got so angry that she said, "fine!! after I've placed everything well, I'll make yours a fixed deposit!"
this wasn't what i meant. really wasn't. but.. she mistook me. i can't say anything now. really.
and i just went out, without facing her. so i can cool and she can too. get a clear-mind before i get into worse situation. so.. i sort them out.. no matter what, she's still my beloved mum. everytime i threw tantrum, temper, had problems, she's always there for me.. sort out, explain to me or even help me solve. where can i find such a nice mum in the world? so what if she demands a little? so what if she throw a bit of temper? am i that short-tempered, unendurable? hais. i can only say.. i'm not a good child.
she didn't even reprimand me a single bit. i didn't manage to apologise to her either. i feel so bad. still remember, the first trip i went overseas with my group without parental guidance. and her birthday was coming. we couldn't stay by her side due to the trip. and.. i wrote a letter with my meimei before we went for the trip. however, despite having to see her not really caring of what we've done-cos' she never show it, she was so touched till she cried when she saw the letters. this was an information from my spy-didi. hahas. ya. i promised to be her good girl and i didn't.
hais. what a failure.
i went to dance and then back home.. but soon after that, i went out with my senior, shiwen jiejie. hahas. she brought me there to teach me new instruments. but.. hahas.. thank you~!!! a lot appreciations. hahas.. though.. what they taught, i had learnt.. but i'm really happy.. to know them.. they might become my future seniors too. hahas.
and.. i played piano and disgraced myself with guitar skills.. hahs. i discovered something. classic guitar is not that bad either. hahas.. though i prefer acoustic guitar. hahas. cos' the width is smaller. hahas. easier too. hahas. a pity.. i lend it to my senior.. hahas. kind of hope that it'll be back soon. hahas. ya. hahas.
a bit bu yao lian. as in.. i imposed people. and had fangling jiejie's mum to serve me with drinks. and have her mum to provide such good hospitality. i feel kind of not nice.. hahas.. she even gave bread. hahas. though i don't feel like eating. ya. silly hahas. i'm losing my appetite again. crazy me. hahas..
most importantly, i'm harming my health. hahas.
I've watched silent hill with them.. again.. zz.. but half way.. i need to go to the library. really grateful hahas. and.. hahas. it so nice to have people with me. and.. hahas. i got a clearer view of silent hill again. hahas. but scary though.
thanks~ everyone for taking good care of me. really.
i'm starting soon. ahahs. got my assessments.. need to chiong for my o levels le. ahhas. ya.. hahas.. soon have to contact hazy jiejie and roland gorgor for a basketball match which we agreed on earlier. ya. hahas.
mm.. i really tired. hahas. no interest in bgr or serious relationship. kind of.. need a break. hahas. maybe. lethargic to love le. yet.. i still left 28 days. i brought mr. tiny out today.. made me remind me of him only. but i shouldn't condemn him. it's so unfair to him if i do that. hahas.. so..i'll take it as my little brother. hahas.. and i'm the initiative one. hahas.. always.
maybe.. hahas.. when time goes on like this. i don't know what to say either. hahas
he always.. keeps things in heart. to himself. let himself suffers alone. and i only can stand by and watch. i didn't know what i can do to help with anything i can do.. but one thing for sure, i'll still stand by him. i only left.. 28 days. to do something for him. kind of don't bear to either. how i wish he'll say, "don't go".. but it'll never happen. neither any sweet nothings to move my heart anymore. hais. over. *dwelling. i shouldn't expect anymore. 28 days. he won't understand.
this is it for today. my quote:
stop complaining. life is full of misery. if we look at the brighter side of life, things wouls turn out beautiful.. if one day, i left a month to live, i would say "i still have another more month of happy time to spend." rather than "why do i only left a month to live?". yeah. this is what people always does. i'll cherish more. to look at more perspectives in life, to move on easily.
attaining happiness is what one chooses. whether happily living a day or not, it's one who choose to be.
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