here.. done.. i'm done with what i did.. mm..
this was the pet phrase "anyway" --he used to use it.
and influenced by him.. mm.. maybe..
*laugh..
i just came back from the chalet.. had everything packed up.. back to a square one..
1st day. 2 nov 07
i went there around 8pm and pack stuffs.. do this and that.. and entertaining small amount of guests as a host.. well.. then maybe just take a little short nap..and a short swim. after that.. he came along. well.. he don't know where to go. first.. and walked the opposite direction. until i called his name. that..was the last time..i ever been with him as holding a status of "girlfriend". and that.. last time i see his sleeping look.. everything's like a dream.. ya. it all ends here.
2nd day. 3 nov 07
he went off in the afternoon.. then i self entertained.. cook this and that.. until all the guest arrive.. *laugh.. fun.. but.. i wasn't smiling at all.. i looked outside the window.. looking at the gloomy weather as if it was going to rain.. ya.. except for me. i didn't hold back. face felt a little wet.
they swam and played ya..i didn't want to. watching the magazine. then i watched stars with them a pinkish, violet with dark blue black sky. filled with little shimmering stars. ya. beautiful.. before that.. my gorgor actually brought me to the beach with her girlfriend.. somewhat.. dislike the feeling to go out 'alone' with them. the heart is quite empty. but i know. he's busy.. so..
we picked seashells.. and that's the last thing i supposed.. ya.. my souvenir.. *laugh.
went to sleep at 4 plus am.
3rd day.. 4 nov 07
everyone stayed till afternoon and gone.. i cooked a little and waited for the best moments.. swimming with didi and meimei.. *laugh.. with that float. cos' i know nothing about swimming. *laugh.. might ended up me floating without breath if i don't have a float. ya.. then.. ailene jiejie and francis gorgor came.. *laugh. she's 8 months pregnant.. and.. baby's coming out soon.. we went to have a walk after bbq.. to the pasir ris park.. ya.. played happily and then.. yeah.. on the swing especially.. one swing just be gone~ all the problems.. the higher it takes me.. i feel.. happier.. relaxed. maybe. takes me away to the sky.. had the feeling.. happy. laugh from the inside. smile..
then we played spider web and others.. then it rained.. *laugh..
baby and ailene jiejie are important.. so we went back.. and.. then.. didi went home with the big piles of stuffs.. with their help..
last..i chatted with him on the phone. ya.. just last night.
this is the situation.. he came to a conclusion.. which i used to think. not being used.. to confirm the feeling.. i regretted.. very much.. to find the feeling back.. then.. i lost almost all the love.. but.. ya.. i found them back.. all.. she persuaded me to give it all up.. but i consider long.. this is a clean pure.. one. i mean. separation. ya.. stay a mere special friend. where a bit of affections, eye to eye contact is present. ya.. i need my time to think too.. cos' it's all taste.. bitter sour sweet spice. all.. just ran.. though bitter and sour were more. because we used to create sweet and spice. thus the bitter and sour. i went back to my room.. no tears.. even if i see all the photos that we used to take.. but.. all made me bitter and sour.. not to the extent to cry.. until.. i saw the messages i saved.. "i won't let you go" for this..phrase. i cried.but i hope this would be the last time.. cos' i did cried many time.. everyday in the chalet. i know what i do.. at least with this special relationship preserved..
.:i'm just a normal girl without specialities. holding tight. but letting go soon. motivations..just went away. and.. the fear is realised:.
-what do i tell my parents? gone.. yeah.. i'll tell them the fact... soon.-
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