______Here Comes MICKEY`!

Friday, November 30, 2007

i just got back from dance. pa dance camp 1st day. waa. tired. hahas. tomorrow still have to chiong to get the ties from my friends. i must get 6. hahas. for the competition. hahas. ya.. hao lei.

so fun. hahas. had this tricky stupid plasticine game. where we have to put 13 nails, and balance on a nail. zzz. even a njc student also almost got it. just one more step. hahas. pro.. hahas. and we had this paper limit game where we have only 6 foots on the paper and then balance. hahas. so funny. everyone.. i was carried. with keelui? hahas mouse. hahas. then hahas. have to support each other la. but bu hao yi si. someone had to carry me hard. hahas. and one more thing. hahas. choreography~ hahas. yupp~ within 15 minutes, we had this crazy dance. points accumulation okay? hahas. and okay la. badly done. hahas. and lastly. ended in around 10.40am waa. reach home. eh.. 1120? yupp.. tired..

hahas. just had chat with jiaxian. hahas. tired. really tired. hahas.

maybe when things are not done well, try to make it right. do not lose you temper easily.

care and concern reduction. maybe, i'm not needed in the first place. i feel your irritation. take care nevertheless. i'm not there.. soon to come

Squeaks` @* 8:08 AM

__________________________________________________________________

Thursday, November 29, 2007

woah woah woah~ the camera acts as a usb cable~~ hahas.. good choice to buy.. T-T

hahas.. uh huh.. yeah.. today's like being beaten up hard. all over ache sia~~~ intensive training. hahas. and one more thing. blue black all over~~!!! sobs.. hurts. i didn't know how i got it during the trainings.. somemore yesterday open the door for my papa, hands no strength, i dropped the lock and hit my wrist. it hurts. zz.. don't feel like eating.. then made me feel so sick yesterday.. i know what.. noodles look worms to me, rice look maggots to me, aiya. everything just made me feel so out of appetite. and the world most stupid thing is to ask people to tempt me with food so i can eat. sobs. see how hard it can be to have food in my mouth.

and now, i'm going to dance for the night. and settle my stuffs in the camp for not staying and everything liao. hahas. yeah. hais. am i bad? ahahas. but come to say it's all due to work arhs. not i want de. hahas. i miss my guitar already. hahas.

i realised. i still have all his photos in photo bucket. ya.. all. hahas. maybe. hahas. funny ya.?

uh oh. i feel like a missy now. very bad.. hahas. change~~

yeah.. i got so sick that i feel like throwing up. so went to rest immediately. and thought i could wait till he arrives in msn, online, so we could talk again. but sad to say, i waited from the time i came back from dance till 11.30pm when i feel so terrible, i went to rest. but before that, i smsed him. that i can't wait for him and rested. however, still in my bed, i heard sms. he said he's almost drunk, he had alcohol. zz.. hangover..? something like that. i can't say anything. yeah.. no rights.

but really. still nagged at him. telling him not to drink this much. what if he went over his stop and no more mrt in service? what if the cars are not looking he cross the road? what if robbery happens? what if he faints halfway? so many "what ifs".. i'm just..worried. yeah. so i went sending him many messages to trouble him. and calls him. so that he'll be careful. in anyway. i'm maybe.. to him.. is a busybody. perhaps. ya. thinking too much!!!

umm.. hahas. going out tonight. will be back at later time. hahas. no choice got to work

zz. raphael kept sms-ing me something weird since he knows i'm single. i kind of.. hahas.. avoiding him liao. hahas. missing, ermm concerns of what i'm doing. well.. he's not my type. no common interest, no common topic. nothing.hahas. so.. i'm bad. but.. hahas. i.. don't know. i hope.. we'll just be normal friends. heh.. hais. see first la.

well, my silliness still goes on.. haha. and..

close my eyes, i'm following my heart. when time ripes, everything shall stop. i still hopes..one day, you'll come forth to tell me, "i .... you"

*impossible, i know you wouldn't.

Squeaks` @* 9:28 PM

__________________________________________________________________

she's ill. i feel so bad to make her upset. till now, she hasn't spoken to me. i haven't apologise. everything just goes on. hais.

extremely packed time. my brother placed me for work on saturday and sunday. i can't reject. he've booked. now, my camp is a goner. i think i can only truthfully speak to the in charge that i'll be back soon. hahas. and my brother who doesn't want to be left in the care of them except me, shall only accept this. hais. but i'll be there in the night i suppose. ya. hahas. no matter the lateness. what's life now? hais. so sian. everything clashes like mad. and i could say but to accept. where's my free time?

today wasn't much stuffs either. just early in the morning, 8.03am woke up and trying to cling onto my bed regardless the time is wasting away. i just love my bed too much. hahas don't wish to leave it. but yet return to sleep so late. weirdo me.

though i got up, as if stuck in the toilet bowl. cos' i sat there stoned. as if sleep, but not asleep. when i brushed my teeth and washed my face, came out. oh my god! 8.45am. walao. then i haven't changed. and haven't prepare my ballet shoes. haven't eat breakfast, haven't comb my hair. hais. then forget it la. i just went to changed quickly, took my hairband, ballet shoes, handphone, purse, socks and go. forget about combing and breakfast. and didn't eat liao.

reached there, 9.30am. zzz. teacher just looked at me.. with a quite.. fierce look. hahas. i said nothing. quietly do my stretching. and.. when i did well, she complimented me. but what.. she never see my face. then when she saw, "ah~? peixuan arhs.." then dot dot dot. monotone. no blames. i'm at fault to be late. though i bowed as apology and looked apologetic.

but after her dance lesson, she said,"peixuan, don't be late on monday. it's an important event." mm. yeah she cared. happy. hahas glad. yeah. and my baobei laopos and lovable friends had this decision, "let's dance till 6pm." and together with my juniors, we danced till that time. hahas. and i told them about a lot of ghost and haunted stories i've gathered in my school. but not all have been told. ya.. too much. hahas. aren't we hardworking? hahas. till 6.. hahas

and prepared the costumes and everything. ya. hahs. monday. i'll set off.. thank you wiie. for advising. i'll work hard.

saddened.. talking to my senior, guowei gorgor about relationships. hahas. and until too emo le. hahas. cos' still can't keep everything inside. just hurts.. and.. continuous.

i'm thinking. what am i trying to do. hahas. i've got no more idea. everything just got packed up together.

i still dwelling. regardless the disagreements of anyone's eye. it's between you and me. this is at least what i can do. yeah. be it anyone. it's only the 2 of us. only.. i'm not a perfect girl. an ordinary girl. who fell in love yet lost it. this is the only moment i can cherish. cos' no more time is left. at least. for the year.. last one.. last month, last moments, last memory, to love you continously and last in history, eternally. for now. i promise.. i'll be there when you need me. this year. the best year ever had. ever since 25october. all the joy. till now. never forgets.

despite all says. follow your heart. paths may be tough, overcome.
no rights, no say, yet will be free one day.

Squeaks` @* 3:04 AM

__________________________________________________________________

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

I've reached..home.

my mum was terribly angry when i talked back. i said "why they have the privilege to have their own savings while i don't?" she got so angry that she said, "fine!! after I've placed everything well, I'll make yours a fixed deposit!"

this wasn't what i meant. really wasn't. but.. she mistook me. i can't say anything now. really.

and i just went out, without facing her. so i can cool and she can too. get a clear-mind before i get into worse situation. so.. i sort them out.. no matter what, she's still my beloved mum. everytime i threw tantrum, temper, had problems, she's always there for me.. sort out, explain to me or even help me solve. where can i find such a nice mum in the world? so what if she demands a little? so what if she throw a bit of temper? am i that short-tempered, unendurable? hais. i can only say.. i'm not a good child.

she didn't even reprimand me a single bit. i didn't manage to apologise to her either. i feel so bad. still remember, the first trip i went overseas with my group without parental guidance. and her birthday was coming. we couldn't stay by her side due to the trip. and.. i wrote a letter with my meimei before we went for the trip. however, despite having to see her not really caring of what we've done-cos' she never show it, she was so touched till she cried when she saw the letters. this was an information from my spy-didi. hahas. ya. i promised to be her good girl and i didn't.

hais. what a failure.

i went to dance and then back home.. but soon after that, i went out with my senior, shiwen jiejie. hahas. she brought me there to teach me new instruments. but.. hahas.. thank you~!!! a lot appreciations. hahas.. though.. what they taught, i had learnt.. but i'm really happy.. to know them.. they might become my future seniors too. hahas.

and.. i played piano and disgraced myself with guitar skills.. hahs. i discovered something. classic guitar is not that bad either. hahas.. though i prefer acoustic guitar. hahas. cos' the width is smaller. hahas. easier too. hahas. a pity.. i lend it to my senior.. hahas. kind of hope that it'll be back soon. hahas. ya. hahas.

a bit bu yao lian. as in.. i imposed people. and had fangling jiejie's mum to serve me with drinks. and have her mum to provide such good hospitality. i feel kind of not nice.. hahas.. she even gave bread. hahas. though i don't feel like eating. ya. silly hahas. i'm losing my appetite again. crazy me. hahas..

most importantly, i'm harming my health. hahas.

I've watched silent hill with them.. again.. zz.. but half way.. i need to go to the library. really grateful hahas. and.. hahas. it so nice to have people with me. and.. hahas. i got a clearer view of silent hill again. hahas. but scary though.

thanks~ everyone for taking good care of me. really.

i'm starting soon. ahahs. got my assessments.. need to chiong for my o levels le. ahhas. ya.. hahas.. soon have to contact hazy jiejie and roland gorgor for a basketball match which we agreed on earlier. ya. hahas.

mm.. i really tired. hahas. no interest in bgr or serious relationship. kind of.. need a break. hahas. maybe. lethargic to love le. yet.. i still left 28 days. i brought mr. tiny out today.. made me remind me of him only. but i shouldn't condemn him. it's so unfair to him if i do that. hahas.. so..i'll take it as my little brother. hahas.. and i'm the initiative one. hahas.. always.

maybe.. hahas.. when time goes on like this. i don't know what to say either. hahas

he always.. keeps things in heart. to himself. let himself suffers alone. and i only can stand by and watch. i didn't know what i can do to help with anything i can do.. but one thing for sure, i'll still stand by him. i only left.. 28 days. to do something for him. kind of don't bear to either. how i wish he'll say, "don't go".. but it'll never happen. neither any sweet nothings to move my heart anymore. hais. over. *dwelling. i shouldn't expect anymore. 28 days. he won't understand.

this is it for today. my quote:
stop complaining. life is full of misery. if we look at the brighter side of life, things wouls turn out beautiful.. if one day, i left a month to live, i would say "i still have another more month of happy time to spend." rather than "why do i only left a month to live?". yeah. this is what people always does. i'll cherish more. to look at more perspectives in life, to move on easily.

attaining happiness is what one chooses. whether happily living a day or not, it's one who choose to be.

Squeaks` @* 7:36 AM

__________________________________________________________________

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

this is what i hoped. ya. maybe a silly person is always hoping. yet.. regardless the results might be, she'll still go ahead with her silly stuff. this is me.

shattered.. all impressions gone. my mum.. she doesn't have anymore good impressions left. i didn't know what i can do or what to do.. but i only can confirm one thing. it's impossible already. no more.

i am still this silly. do you know how it feels like to be pushed and pressurised? as in. to follow the flow. to go with what people thinks and shatters your own heart utterly by yourself? maybe. i'm still not sensible enough to make my own decision. i should. everyone's doing it for my own good.

this is something i can't go againist. hais.

in anyway, ya. i'm going to play with my senior. the guitar bas. hahas. ya.

i'm discouraged. to go into relationship. now. even if i would admire someone, i won't get involve anymore. i supposed. i won't.

when your story get twisted the way you don't want it to, close your eyes. you see nothing. let it go on, like nothing happens.

i chose my way out. to go on. anyway. i don't have much time left. 29 days from now.

Squeaks` @* 9:31 PM

__________________________________________________________________

http://www.sta.nus.edu.sg/~zhangjt/life/lovegame.html

this..a cute survey

Squeaks` @* 8:50 AM

__________________________________________________________________

this is what i am. ya.. standing in this place. hahas.

i went to the water splash in vivo with my baobei juniors and laopo.. and then played hard.. i splashed everyone. hahas.. hand in hand, we went to the pet shop.. hao ke ai o~~!! the cute animals.. they look so lethargic.. must have played the whole night, didn't you? must sleep well puppies~~! and the hamsters.. how cute~ hahas. because i didn't do any chores yesterday, so i promised my mum to do mopping and laundry.. hahas. in the end, i was late. but thank goodness. someone paid for me first. hahas.. and the movie was..
"Enchanted"

sounded a bit of mesmerizing? hahas.. ya.. i was too. hahas.. and then.. maybe. hahas.. when i watched.. it was so cute..

this is how it was like,
this princess, giselle had a twisted version of being the city life man's wife and the prince edward, with the nancy who is city lady. actually. hahas.. they loved each other. princess and prince, the man and nancy.. until she came along.. this is really funny.. they like to sing. hahas.. so cute.. ahahas.. twisted version.. i wish to watch again..

hahas.. i've had post-movie symdrome like qian. hahas.. yeah.. hahas.. hahas..

this is with my juniors.. eh, dolly, steph, elvira, denise, kai yin, regina, eh.. yan han? still got.. somemore. hahas.. i only remember something like that. hahas.. and most importantly, my laopo..

i've accompanied her to chinese garden.. walked her to her grandparents. and then.. only my way.. to.. yewtee. mm..

silly. you must have wanted to say.

and then.. just walked.. till i reached. and.. just.. maybe.. the emptiness..i miss him. the answer.. from him.. personally.. from him.. hear from him. i just.. silly.

and.. held, hugged, ... but.. i..still got the same answer. "i'm not worth." i forgot why i love him this deep already. is..love.. this is so mysterical. i wanted to hear.. "i love you" his thoughts.. or he never did.

i hope.. i did it right.. i went there.. to hear his thoughts.. but.. he said.. something.. that really broke it.. ya.. i feel so silly. i will be silly too.. he pushed me away.. to another guy. i never expect this. and.. it did shatter the dreams. i used to hold. with so much care.

but no matter what.. i never regret this trip. i still love him this deep.. very.. only one.. say i'm silly.. i won't go still.. i left a month.. after a month, i'll go. i promise..

when one only left this limited time, cherish.. cos' there's no rewind.

i still..love you.

Squeaks` @* 7:17 AM

__________________________________________________________________

Monday, November 26, 2007

yupp~!!! i received a letter~~!!! i got scholarship~!! this is super happy.. for the past few years. haven't had such awards~! yeah!!! hahas.. top 10.. it feels so good!

anyway.. hahas~~ see ya.. i need to go out play with my baobei laopo and juniors le.. update later~ muacks~

Squeaks` @* 8:58 PM

__________________________________________________________________

didi drove me all the way down the slopes.. and with songs to fly along. this is today.

I remember you

Lyrics: YUI
Music: YUI

Kaze wa mou tsumetai keredo
Natsukashii sora no nioi ga shitanda
HOOMU kara umi ga mieru
Kono basho de kimi wo sagashiteru

Kisetsu hazure no SAAFUBOODO ni
Ano natsu wa kitto ikiteru

Taiyou wa zutto oboete ita hazu sa
Nee kikoeteru?

Namida wa mise nai tte kimi wa sou itte
Boku-tachi wa futari te wo futta
Sayonara wa iwa nai dakara te wo futta
Yuuyake ni kieta I remember you

Sabita GITAA kakaeru tabi ni
Ano uta ga mune no oku wo tsukamu kedo
Ima mo mada sae nai hibi
Kono basho de boku wa sugoshiteru

Dakedo omounda dareka no tame ni
Kitto bokura wa ikiteru

Taiyou ga kitto oshiete kuretanda
Nee kikoeteru?

Namida wa mise nai tte kimi wa sou itte
Boku-tachi wa futari te wo futta
Sayonara wa iwa nai dakara te wo futta
Yuuyake ni kieta I remember you

Are kara no boku wa aikawarazu dakedo
Honno sukoshi jishin ga arunda yeah...

Namida wo koraeteru yakusoku dakara
Dare yori mo tsuyoku nara nakucha
Sayonara wa iwa nai datte me wo tojite
Sugu ni aeru I remember you

12. Candle Lights
Lyrics: Emi k.Lynn / Music: Takuya Harada/JUN KOO
Romaji by: cori

oto mo naku itoshisa wa
furitsumoru mono da ne tell me why
setsunai hodo kanjiteru kimi igai inai...to

tsuyogaru bakari my heart
sunao ni missing you iezu furueteta

* mune ni Candle light tomoru you ni ima nara ieru
tokedashita kono omoi
konna yoru wa kimi no ude no naka ni tsutsumare
yume wo mitai tsutaetai no "I love you"

moshi itsuka JIRENMA ga
itoshisa no jama shitemo mou
daijoubu tsunaida te nukumori wa kienai

kimi kara moratta dake
shiawase no kazu okutte yukitai

yureru Candle light futatsu dake no kokoro terashite
hitotsu no omoi tsukuru
donna asu mo tonari ni ite egao ya namida
iron na kimochi todokete itai I need you

sunao ni missing you iezu furueteta

* repeat

sora ni Candle light tomoru you ni maiochiru snow flakes
tsumoranaide toketemo
konna yoru ni futarikiri de mitsumeta keshiki
kitto forever wasurenai yo love goes on

Gracious Days

Lyrics: Ryoji Sonoda
Music: Kazuhiro Hara

Kizutsuke au koto de
Butsukari au koto de
Tashikame au koto wa
Mou yame ni shiyou yo

Akogare ya yume egaku
Hitomi ni utsutte iru
Yurugi nai sono kimochi...
Kanarazu todoku yo

*Wish Always Gracious Days
Hibi shinka suru
Yasashi sa wo taisetsu ni shite
Style kiyou demo bukiyou demo ii
Samazama na shiawase wo ah...
Tsukamu koto dekiru chikara motteru hazu dakara
Saa, kono omoi wo kimi mo boku mo
Tsunagi aou

Kokoro no hikidashi ni shimatta takaramono
Sabishi sa ya kanashimi tsutsunde kure mashita

Tachidomaru koto mo aru
Kakenukeru koto mo aru
Demo wasure nai de ite
Yari togeru tsuyosa

Wish Always Brand New Days
Nuri kaete yukou
Tatta ichido no jinsei wo
Make chikakute mo tookute mo ii
Kitto soko he tadori tsukeru
Nagai yo ga akete
Asa no hikari mitsuketa toki
Mada shira nai sekai
Bokura wo ah...matteru kara

*Repeat

Wish Always Gracious Days
Let’s Feel Everybody Now

It’s Never-ending Place I wish...
With You Forever

Wish Always Gracious Days
Let’s Feel Everybody Now

It’s Never-ending PlaceI wish...
With You Forever

i can't find the subtitles. for eng. ya.
nevertheless, i'll get on with life. i know i can..

Squeaks` @* 3:23 AM

__________________________________________________________________

a visit to malaysia.

there.. we were. hahas.. my mum, aunt, cousin, sister and i went to malaysia actually got pictures la.. but.. don't feel like updating it. hahas

we went to stay over in my aunt's place. so that the next morning which is yesterday will make it more convenient for us to reach there. yupp. and then.. we went there asap.

the next morning, at 6.30 we catch a bus and reach clementi. ya. hahas. then from there we took the coach to reach the custom. from there, we took all the way to many places.

like. the coffee shop? to have a meal. wanton mee, milo. zzz. they ordered a lot. and it taste very different from singapore. ya.. and then we were like so tired. and slept.. while we travelled. there was a destination where we saw a bit flooded. we have to walk on the bricks to across. but out of the 3 to 4 temples we went, we went to the restaurants to have our lunch. zzz. and then, back to shop for some local products. ya. and had our dinner. then back to singapore. it was raining there.

i just.. got little nostalgic. ya.. upon the window. i saw the raindrops. look more like tears to me. shooting stars they were. ya. flowing down the window this simple, this easy, this free.

i wish.. i wish. i were them.

and i finished my book. that "where i want to be." quite a sad ending. as in.. she pursue what she wants. and leave him.

i came home with mrt.. using.. red line. from clementi mrt to jurong east.. and from there, to yio chu kang. i can't help feeling this weak.. passed by.. yewtee. kranji. marsiling. everywhere. it's the momory.. how long. and.. along the path.. i just went to everywhere.. he left.. left his footprints everywhere. and when i got home. with the nostalgic message he said, gave me the courage to confess. all my heart felts. i just went on crying for maybe.. 1 to 2 hours. and look like a goldfish in the morning. this is lucky.. the 2nd time. struck me with another relapse. not deadly.

raphael sms-ed me in the night. ya.. and at least.. he's there when i cried. and jiaxian too. i just.. cried on. till the next morning. ya.

i'm going away again.. didn't expect this fast. ya.. zzz.. on 30th nov, going to pasir ris.. out for camp. with my didi and then.. only be back on the 2nd dec. but on 3rd, going overseas again. i wished.. i could stay.that will be 8 days then.. that i'll be away.

on the 15th. i hoped.. i will be able to have the courage providing all the joy for him. cheers him up. at least.. to leave without regrets. regrets..
maybe.. ya.. so i will set my mind in peace too. to be able to put a full-stop for this year.. the memorable one. and certainly hoped.. that when i go into another instituition, i'll be happy. get on with new life.

i can't help feeling.. this sad. hoping that i'll leave this school for new life. yet sadness lingers. affection lingers.. busy my whole year out.. cry and shout as long as i want to. cry.. cry. i need.time to release them. i need to know.. hear someone. advice..

i'm always a lost silly sheep going in circles, not knowing what to do.

and i am the only one who can heal myself. it's acceptance, that is.

may be love is this profound. we can't say anything. but to agree with what the heart says. when you oppose it, you'll experience heart shattering.

even if i want to see you, my heart cries, i could only watch you from far. heartless. disregards it cos' i promised you. i will keep it. right in heart.

Squeaks` @* 1:15 AM

__________________________________________________________________

Sunday, November 25, 2007

i just don't get why.. it's cries.. this hard.. very hard. until..i feels too tired to do any other things.

i never regretted the path i chose. i know. even i were to have another chance to go back to the past.. do you know..

it's all appear vaguely in my mind how sweet we were. i just.. cried.. kept on.. till now.. the eyes don't feel like one anymore.

and wished to always.. to celebrate your birth with every joy. joyous to have you in this world. with your existence, i know i once lived. awaiting, to see the hopeful eyes of yours.. when i start taking out the gift that might surprise you, change your every expression. you're not a wanted to be forgotten.. a deep yet known footprints were left by you. say there this deep. irreplaceable. even it might be a past. you're the first. first love.

it scares me this hard to have umpteen dreams without you by me side. and it all come true. i wish i had never woke up.

i still yearn to dug up every memory spent with you. like we've toured all around singapore and got it so so familiar. to hold your hand tightly never let go. to hug you so tightly that i can feel your heart beating. to be able to touch your lips with gentleness imprints the love we have had and feel you inside me. every single view of you.. deeply.. here.

urge to hold you like a lost kitten who needs the warmth this deeply. i'm addicted to you

i don't know how to let go. with pressures and opposition of being together. i hide my feelings away. put it into deep sleep. never able to wake it up.

i know.. i will walk on.. just..like jessie says..give me one month more. i'm still yours. your girl. until the due expires, i'll leave. give me a moment of time. silly girl, always.

i want to be honest for the last time,
i love you..

Squeaks` @* 2:16 PM

__________________________________________________________________

Saturday, November 24, 2007

i'm leaving soon. will only be back tomorrow. just came back. update later~ bye!

when lives is full of confusion that swirls your thoughts and others together, break away.

Squeaks` @* 4:54 AM

__________________________________________________________________

Friday, November 23, 2007

what a nice day. though i waited quite long. hahas

this is what happened today. hahas..

i woke up as early as 6.15am. hahas. then prepared everything. like maybe the gloves which i thought i might go ice skating. hahas. and clothes for going out, a book to read. other travelling singapore pass. hahas. ez-link card. comb, perfume, ballet shoes. hair bands. whatever. hahas. lots. hahas..

then.. hahas.. i thought it was like. hahas. fun. hahas. then reached the school at 7.30am. hahas. along travelling with my sister whom i got her late for lessons. hahas. then hanged around in the school for 2 hours.? ya.. before i start my dance lesson, hahas. i shocked everyone. hahas. came the earliest. and i talked to nuer about whatever had happened. it was.. hahas. fun chat. hahas. and i got the keys from ms tan. trying to act like i didn't get until wiie and jessie came along. and we got into the studio

this is what we did. hahas. i did help out with the commands and maybe hahas.. stretching. for hours? and i felt like. hahas. kind of bad to make him wait. hyde. ya. hahas. cos' i'm tuning his guitar for him yet can't find a tuner. hahas. and when i finished my stretching, hahas. teacher came along. before long, she release us.. it was..like.. shocked.~ hahas. thanks to international dance who needs our radio. hahas. thank goodness. hahas.

then i changed to my wear after that, i went to compass point with my laopos. wiie and sie. hahas. hen ke ai norhs.. sie kept rushing me to go do my stuffs. hahas.. and i saw them off. but sie was so worried about me.. hahas. hen ke ai hors.? hahas. but i manage to calm her. hahas. then back to compass point to buy tuner cos' i need it sooner or later and that, i can't find it. so. it took me.. hahas don't know. like 1 plus to go? hahas. and i took bus 86. ya.. reading books along the way. ya. hahas. still that book. hahas..

and then.. i went to yio chu kang mrt station to go yewtee ya. hahas. teach hyde guitar and tune for him.. hahas. it was a warm day. though i thought it might go as what i planned. hahas. like going out to ice skate with him. or watch movie with him. ya. but then. hahas. it turns out.. hahas.. then i help him tune. surprisingly he's extremely very fast learner. good. i hope he absorbs and able to be a better guitarist. i forgot to teach hammer on only. ahahs. ya. and after teaching him, got him back his guide book, i went off. hahas. he kept asking though. whenever i stood up, "you leaving?" hahas.

then he saw me to his aunt's block nearest to the traffic lights. but should feel grateful le. i was a doubtful about the questions i wanted to ask. but then. hahas. i lost my words at the sight of him. and.. before i reached. i fear my heart tells me, i like him a lot. fearful. very. cos' i will fell deep. and then my heart was beating extremely fast until i see him. i knew the result and answer i've always been waiting for. yeah. the results. hahas.

at the first sight, first reaction. he has no more left. love. for me. yeah. very sure. i handed him the gift. but to be honest, i'm selfish. i wanted to keep him by my side cos' i'm unsure of my feelings too. until today. i felt this too. i love the one in the past. whose smile is this friendly. and his smile, the expression has changed. i can't make myself smile naturally either. ahahas. ya lo.. just don't know. hahas. just not him. i can't find him back. all i can say. ya. gone. hais. hahas.. maybe not even that feeling anymore. ya.. this is what my heart told me when it stop beating this hard. i knew it.

and then kind of.. cheering up when i reached mrt. hahas. then.. i didn't look back at him. until i reached the traffic. ya. but it was really fun. but i'm so apologetic. ya. to make him fluster. the very last minute to call him out when he was working. and the moment he was released, he went rushing to wear and bring nice scent here. hahas. rushed.. this is cool. then. i just came walking all around. especially to times' bookshop.. had lots of knowledgeable books~ this is the best place for me. hahas. unfortunately, i can't find the book i want to see. hahas.

though i waited for maybe.. from 4pm till.. 7.30pm, he was held up by his boss. but hahas. thank goodness for his company.hahas. and then, we initially wanted to book for tickets. i just not enough to pay for 2. hahas. only for mine.

but in compensation he said. he treated everything. this is surprising! hahas. dinner, games whatever. ahahs. we went to burger king in plaza first. then joked and had fun, later to the arcade to have fun. hahas. he had his rounds in street fighters. cool. hahas.. he won. until the last stage. a pity. ahhas. then we played time crisis.. and then the photo difference game. hahas. kind of funny. hahas. ya. like sit a bit close cos' crumpy. hahas.

then to mrt.. he saw me home. telling me, "it's late for girls to go home this late. i see you home" hahas. that's caring and sweet. hahas. thanks~~ for the trip and everything. very enjoyable. hahas. and then he said this neighbour of mine look pervertic. ahhas~~ this is so funny.. he saw me to the lift lobby. and called when i didn't inform him when i was homed. hahas. thanks thank raphael.. it's really fun to be out with you. kind of.. looking forward to next outing. ahahs.~~ let's go somewhere fun. ahahas. he's got something to ask about his attire and more. hahas. next time then say bas.

never thought that the person whom i always had no intention to go out with can be this enjoyable. he's protective.. very. hahas. and reverse.. the person whom i wanted to go out with, turned out to be unable to make it. he's tired perhaps. hope he rest well. and raphael too okay? hahas.. thanks~~!! this is really fun. hahas. the relieved day yet brought joy day. cos' this is the first time i go out with him. ahahs

i must cherish the times people treat me this good. cos' it's not for granted and should treasure my happiness and joy from people.. i'll share my joy with people too. hahas. i'm still not well. hahas. starved my stomach today. skipped breakfast, lunch.. and only dinner hahas. treated.. well~~!!! sorry for the wasted food~!!

life is always twisted. things might not turn out the way you thought it might be. given surprise. it is important to cherish as things don't come granted. =)

Squeaks` @* 7:02 AM

__________________________________________________________________

Thursday, November 22, 2007

actually.. quite irony. hahas.

so emo of just now. back to happiness. hahas~ see the doughnalisa.. hahas.. impose me. ahahas.. i doughnutlala okay? hahas~ only difference "nut la~" hahas

kks la.. hahas.. you won't understand how come so happy yet upset suddenly. hahas. just.. hahas. don't know.. vice versa la~ hahas. tomorrow.. eh

going out. with him? i don't know lehs. the dance. hahas.. can i tou lan? hahas. let me!! next time i go early and work doubly hard.. please? hahas

my mummy thought i not going dance then want me to go work.. zz.. hahas..

and me lehs.. hahas.. will go dance.. but not for long bas.. i will work hard.. eh.. half an hour jiu go can? hahas. i go dance at 7 to 8 till 10am. then let me go~~ hahas.. please? hahas.. ask wiie. hahas.. then i can~~ wee.. hahas

going to teach guitar. and then.. go movie or what lo. hahas.. though i wanted ice skate so much. hahas. remembering.. wiie and i go. then she kept falling down. then our pose so nice. hahas. but she hen ke lian.. everytime like i pin her down.. hahas.. pain pain~~ xintong. hahas. shhhh...

ahahahs.. zz.. maybe that's all..? hahas. ya. 2 days without rest.. will tired until don't know like what.. zzz.. hahas..

last 2nd time i go out with him dui ma? i don't know. hais. hahas.. i don't know what to do le. hahas..

anyway.. they grew up.. so happy. his gifts.. hahas. okay la.. think update here jiu hao.

hahas. lei le.

Squeaks` @* 12:54 AM

__________________________________________________________________

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

haha.. i got email from wiie. the photos we took in vivo. hahas

hahas. be ready~

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

mdm chow and them.. from the left, sik yin, ju en, mdm chow, crystalnol, wiie.

sikyin and wiie.

they went out i think, hahas. what the~~! doughnalisa~~??!! okay. she does look donut.

jessie and wiinnie both laopo. hahas hen ke ai right??

both my baobei again. hahas. see smiling sweetly at ME. xp

the clothes they wore that day hahas.

okay.. this is the one. hahas.. we started out to vivo buy clothes. then i haven't had my lunch. hahas

i was eating.. in long john.. gold. hahas.. silver la~ don't get it. all the food golden golden call themselves silver.~~ ~-~

then i discovered that she taking my photo. hahas. i use the knife to block. hahas. short samurai.

then i use hand to cover instead.. she what she doing. hahas. don't mistook. i didn't peep~! that's not eye. hahas

then we went to daiso. this is the cap. they say nice. nice ma? compared to the boo boo covering my whole head.

we went to the roof.. after our dinner. but then.. see la.. hahas. where's my head.? hahas.. but hen ke ai de ta la~ cos' not far enough

she tried to stretch even more to take our picture. hahas. but~

then i suggest i help take photo. hahas. then jessie too happy put her hand there~ hahas.

hahas.. blinking eye very difficult de okay?! hahas. smile. sorry cut her head. hahas. winnie loves me

then i ask them to take pose there. they've been to the cruise~ hahas. pian ren de..

they sat there.. i go into water to take photo. hahas. hen sweet right? must agree! if don't i kill you. hahas.

see.. we switch position hahas. at first want ask someone take for us de. but then suan le. hahas. see sweet bas~ that didi.. hahas

then i going in, they call me pose. what? threefingers cannot mehs. 2 fingers opiang le la~

just then, we discovered this black man, no clothes doing pull up~ you this bian tai~!!!

then enjoy hors.. the sign board say le. hahas. my advertisers~

yeah.. xing fu~ got in them then got a nice lady help us take hahas.

errps.. weird pose.hahas. like madonna. hahas. wiie.. see.. comfortable right?

we re take hahas. cos' pose hao guai. though i prefer that one

it's getting late. we rushing to dance lesson. hahas.. a nice westerner help us take outside vivo. the waterfall hahas.

and.. sweet~~ hahas

Squeaks` @* 11:58 PM

__________________________________________________________________

hmm. hahas.. maybe.. who knows.. maybe one day.. i no longer writes blog. instead a diary.? hahas. who knows? everyone didn't know it's smokescreen. i looked too cheerful as to being hurt.

but.. i've got desirable-wanted-to-be-answered questions.. how to.. how to.. tell me.. drop this heart that seemed like 1000 pounds that carried 2miles le. and i forgot how to hate. tell me.. what should i do. tell me.. why the heart is badly injured?

zzzz.. this is my reply from buddies.

I'm loaded to the gunwales, matey! stellaBlimey!
Yi Er San Si Wu says:
Cultivate seamless architectures. functionally strategic greetings stella
Yi Er San Si Wu says:
muah muah stella you’re better off alone darling. he was a reverse evolution prince.

&

"give yourself a month to love him and miss him.. then let go everything when time is up."

"no worries! we'll be by lala's side. it's okay! you have me!"

"when love becomes a routine, it's no longer love. believe me"

"no way love will bloom this way. i swear, you'll separate."

all these.. comments ran through my brain times and times. so am i wrong now? wrong to love? love the wrong person? or? tell me.. tell me.. why..

i'm living still living. i know. i feel it. everyday.. i woke up.. i hope i will. deteriorating. tell me. i'm escaping. tell me.. i hurt myself. i need a doctor in fact. the fact that..i'm not getting any better.. consuming food is boring again. let it be. hurt all you can.. be it dehydration, malnutrition, lack of food. die.

let me be.

the lungs.. hurt together. burning away. fainting together. flat lying down. it's okay.. death doesn't matter. i'm not good girl anyway.

rest.. kill me.

end of hearts

how.. i wish.. i don't remember i love you
but i love you..

Squeaks` @* 10:01 PM

__________________________________________________________________

i'm.. little disappointed.

nevermind~ should not go on de.. accepting the fact.

in anyway. i don't hope le. i just need to schedule my time. ya. hais.

Squeaks` @* 8:17 AM

__________________________________________________________________

oh.. hahas.. i can't stop laughing at his blog. hahas..~~ zzz.. anyway.. this is me.. hahas

wee..dancing again. hahas.. hen fun o~ hahas.. friday.. teacher not there. hahas.. wonder. if i should come. tomorrow discuss.. hahas.. heh~

最好笑的不是我，是他所说的话.. hahas..

in anyway.. i quite tired le. hahas.. yawns.. hahas.. aiyo..

hahahas.. i can make it~ hahas..

and studies.. conquer. hahas.

Squeaks` @* 6:11 AM

__________________________________________________________________

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

back.. hahas from the dance. well. hahas. i did something cruel. deleted. all photos..of..him. even numbers. as time goes by, the inefficient brain of mine will forget everything. his number. i..just..feeling quite tired. like a chick lost her way. lost her mother's by her side. she has to learn surviving. on her own.

today, i pondered a lot. all memories slowly and one by one like waterfall, just went gushing back. i don't have the courage to see a complete loving him and her. cries has turn silent. too hard. i shouldn't even have cried. that should be another terrible cry. i almost got myself into trouble. with another occurence of relapse. knock my head~! not being a good girl. hahas~

but come to think of it, i still have winnie, jessie. looking at them made me feel fortunate already. just then, qian sms too. hahas. and i still have qian, jocelyn mummy and yeeteng nuer. hahas. they want to go out with me too. hahas. yeah~ self prom~ cool. time to get dressed up girl~!! as for wiie and jessie, their dances, free and easy. i want to be like them.. and the hardship throw all back behind. hahas. dance cool~ hahas. and me~get a life of my own. not going to be a vine to rely on a tree. i want to be a tree on my own. even i maybe vulnerable in big storms and rain, i'll get my way out. hahas. like an never-die seedling. even a grass know her way of stand upright even being trampled umpteen times.

going to be strong. i'm a strong girl hush.. don't cry anymore. look forward. get out of the circle. hahas.

and..the easiest way to get out.. put down the love for him. return it all back. don't even keep a bit. i know it's tempting. but try. he'll be happy living now. hahas. shared my happiness, so i backed out. even a single contact.. hahas. so handphone contact..? no..way.

i just..predicted. my heart is beating.. only difference, without you. no more fights.

when your heart knows which way to go, it'll guide you along. independance is a hard road to go. but i'll achieve more. for what comes to an end, it's another beginning.

Squeaks` @* 9:23 PM

__________________________________________________________________

A big decision.

i'm emo..

why does she have to die.?she's still...this young. i wished. i could replace her. so.. she won't have to. die.

cruelty. why must she know when she's having her happiest time..??

this..is my decision. i thought it.. hahas. he fell for her. judging from conversation. maybe. i'm sensitive. but a person can only hesitate for something that is in difficulty. yeah.. very sure. hahas. maybe. i finally realised i do love him. but.. it's too late. and.. i know i won't turn back? i can't. from the moment i announced to my family. to him, he's only left with guilt for me. just like what happened to her. jessie. he can start anew.

he can't hide anymore. the words. he love her. the fact, he fell for her. but.. to me, i should have gone. maybe. break off ties. like what i did before. every.. the pain won't stay. so.. i won't feel this hurt. no longer his sweetheart. no longer contacting him. not even a friend. a stranger. i should. from now.. i wished.. i'm her. the girl.. whom should experienced all the love and don't deserve death. --cries.

i'll give him.. everything. that i promised. the gifts. yeah. but by then.. i won't be there anymore. she'll be there for him. and maybe this time, i'll disappear. somewhere. have a peace of mind. and back new. no longer lingers the thread. the love. so.. he will..attain happiness. i'm gone...

i hope..when i visit the doctor. they'll tell me.. i left not much time to live. in progression of my illness. i hope.. so.. i'll know the truth.. i want to save her. if not, give the life span to patients. --cries. willing.. to sacrifice.. for them. for i know.. happiness is shared. let me. just give me.. 3 months. left.. contented.

for the preciousness of life, i'm willing to give up mine.

Squeaks` @* 5:36 AM

__________________________________________________________________

i shivered.. when i saw.. something..i should. hahas. great.. doing great. i know what i can do le~ hahas. and. thanks.. i'm glad. i didn't send it.. "i'm glad you were once there for me, dear." i'm really relieved. that i almost fell into the whirlpool again. thank goodness. hahas. but.. if he's in a relationship now. i don't wish to create any misunderstandings. so.. hahas. i decided.. to..cancel all the trips with him. yeah.. even the birthday. and for the cake that i've ordered.. hahas.. shall eat it myself? hahas. and the gifts. yes.. hand it to him.

hmm.. today i went out with my brother sister. though i feel like sleeping. hahas. to my auntie's place.. should have gone for prom.. hahas. and ya. hahas.. tired~~!! i've improved in dance again. great~!! hahas..

rapheal smsed again. to go out soon. hahas.. a movie? hahas.. i don't know. hahas.

in anyway.. i wanna get out of my heart trap. hahas. you know how it feels like to see someone you like even a bit.. hahas. to be going with another girl with a confession? i wish to cut off all ties. maybe.. i'll feel better. and.. he stays away, far far from me. i.. have a better advantage to not see him. hahas. yeah~ hahas.. all the best for my exam~~ i'm into songs these days~~ anyone got song?? hahas.. i want.

Squeaks` @* 3:45 AM

__________________________________________________________________

Monday, November 19, 2007

these are some random pictures i took.. hahas.

Squeaks` @* 6:25 AM

__________________________________________________________________

hahas.. i went to orchard to retrieved my handphone. and listened to songs in the book store.. it's really enjoyable.. i wanted to look at books at first. but caught the sight of music. the r&b.. hahas. nice. hahahas..

before that.. this morning, i went to dance. but late. hahas.. 9.30am woke up. hais.. my fault. i shan't go into details. hahas

and all.. in the hall. dancing all the way. hahas.. and hey~ hahas.. fun~~ we went rushing away.. hahas.. includes of jessie, xueyan, minmin, me and huiyu.. hahas.. then met up with jiaxian.. we were on a class chalet. only huiyu who went home directly after a visit to bank and the 7eleven, and my beloved laopo, jessie. hahas she met up with crystalnol went to sentosa for their chalet. hahas. yeah.. cool isn't it? hahas.. and all the way i went craze. hahas..

and to the chalet, i just realised hahas.. this was a familiar one. hahas.. costa sand resort? hahas.. it was where i was a year ago with him. hahas.. a pity, i'm not staying. ahahahs yeah.. hahas.. but quite cute. hahahas.. should have stayed.. i promise~ next year's.. hahas

i can't stop complaining to ms maimunah about the school's decision on the prom this year.. it was terrible. hahas.. not even a hotel~! country club~!!! walao.. now.. for all students who don't like this idea, requested a backout. hahas. what a school. wealthy with association support yet did nothing. but students pay. i don't want to say further. hais~

then then~~ now will be held in school.. hahas.. this year. hahahs. tomorrow.. i'm...sneaking in. ahahahs.. for the sake of my batch~ ahhahs. cool. hahahs.. excited tonight. how am i going to sleep this way? hahas.. can't stop thinking. in anyway. hahas.

kks. for now. i know tight schedule is coming up these days. hahas..

rapheal asked me out for a movie. hahas. mm.. i don't know what to say la.. hahas..maybe.. hahas..

thanks arhs joseph.. hahas.. bully me enough today~ in fact is i bully you.. hahas.. thanks thanks.. nice game.. challenge poking game again with you next time~~

Squeaks` @* 5:32 AM

__________________________________________________________________

Sunday, November 18, 2007

it's.. a rainy day. i'm tired. i got dance today. yeah.. and got to pa. but felt bad. hahas. cos' i missed the date with meimei. hahas. ya. then went to dance with my shuai ge didi. hahas. and back home at night. time passes this quick.

there will be a performance on 8 dec. anyhow arts. ya. hahas. can't dance for that.. kind of a pity. hahas. ya. i need rest badly. i'll be away to genting on 3 dec to 7 dec. ya. so the practices that they'll do, i can't go. and.. next week, i'll be away in malaysia again. hahas. this time, to do prayers with my mum, aunt and sis. ya. so, i'll be staying in pasir panjang on next saturday. till sunday. ya. later, with training. then i'll work and work to save up. ya..

i'm still into a book.--where i want to be-- quite a nice book. i've also listened to Qian Wo Shi Kuai [owe me ten dollars], mcfly's all about you. nice. hahas. and watched a little bit of 1 litre of tears. i kind of.. stopped knowing what i'm trying to do.

silly am i? i think.. i should be grateful that i'm living still. here.. right here. i might.. die of this stupid gastritis. gushing all the juice up to lungs, causing me even severe relapse. hyperventilation. where it ends me. difficulty, grasp for air, pains. losing consciousness and fell into coma. i..should be happy. that i have a caring family whom reached for me immediately when i need them. a once beloved "husband" whom once showered me with plenty of love. a group of close companions to hear me cry, laugh, shout, giggle. it's all here.. right here in the heart. is this..a signal? another warning of..going off soon. thinking too much here.
-the heart dropped a tear- i fear..

reluctance.. to leave. it's still beating. i'm glad. will you remember me?

Squeaks` @* 5:49 AM

__________________________________________________________________

Saturday, November 17, 2007

this perfect day perfect moment, hahas. my handphone left me for surgery. it's all my fault. i made her fall. from the swing hard and only one year later to repair it. ya~

hahas. so i'm now handphone-less. hahas. hao lonely. i need company. hahas. no la~ can live without it de bas. hahas.

i woke up at 10 plus after sleeping in my nightmare living room. maybe, i just feel insecure in living room. no protections. hahas. weird girl~ me. hahas.. but weird. i slept quite safely. cos' i got my booster didi.. hahas. i said i want to repair. cos' the warranty's going off soon. hahas.. 12 months only. what the~ last time 2 years warranty. hahas.. but i brought my sister out.. go da ban.. but we don't like our wear la..

hahas.. we reached nokia care centre at around 3.30pm. and got the queue ticket. but waited for half an hour but to no avail. we didn't have our lunch. cos' my mum was afraid of short operating hours. however. i discovered that their operating hours is the same as weekdays. hahas.. only public holidays and sundays are different. so we headed off to orchard's "wheelock's place".. hahas.

but it was okay. i brought her to the nearby fastfood restaurant and found, burger king. hahas. ordered some set meals and upsized it.. hahas. little did i know the capacity of food was that big~ hahas. we got so full. hahas. until, we can skip dinner. costs $12.90.hahas. well.. hahas. then went back hurriedly, thinking of overshot of queue number. but~! when we reached, 9 more people to us. zzz. hahas.. poor thing. hahas. so we went to washroom to tidy ourselves and take our own sweet time to do whatever necessary. but when i got out hurried by my sister, it was 2 people before my turn.

so i waited. hey~ lots of nice new phone coming out~ looks like mp4. haas. a trend. hahas. then i hand my phone over for repair. but quite reluctant. i can only see it on monday. hahas. ya.. on monday. hahas..

yupp. then i walked to far-east with my sister. hahas. then went shopping. hahas.. i saw the hiphop competition. rather attracted to such dance. hahas. then continue to shop. hahas. and bought 2 pants. no, 3 pants. and a single. and combination of tube and short dress. hahas. my meimei too. she bought.. 1 pants. share a pants' price with me and.. a dress? i've spent $23.00. hahas. ya. and we changed it right away. quite cute. hahas. wore that sunglasses he had borrow to us. hahas. ya. hahas.

and walked on. then when we wanted to go ya kun, it was already 6 pm plus. we dropped the idea due to bloating. hahas. so we went to bugis to buy what i wanted and planned. haha. the memory card. hahas. 1gb. is it much? hahas. over 100 plus songs. cost me.. $24. and hey~ i need my usb port. need to buy again. i wanted to buy 2 gb. but my sis say will lag. so i dropped the idea again. hahas. zzz. i'm spending too much.. $59.90.. zzz.. my.. pay for a day. hahas. 10 hours somemore. and prayed for my family safety. hahas. and i bought my parents beancurds. together with my families' costs.. $8.. the rest is okay. hahas. ya. all things. hahas. expensive.

hahas. go we got to neighbourhood plaza and do what my mum told us to do. then a visit to my nu er's workplace then back home. ahhahas.. hen ke ai? hahahas. so tired. hahas. so glad that they all wore them hahas.

yesterday i worked. ke lian de gorgor injured himself. then i replaced him right after i had my dance class. but a bit guilty. i had my lunch before i went to work for him. hais. hahas. then i rushed there. cos' he really injured. but i knew i was too tired to work. i slept in the train and almost over the stop. really too tired. hahas. can't blame. hahas. and then when i reached there, i didn't expect shane to blame me. hahas.

he said, "hey. did you know, your brother worked so hard just to wait for arrival? why this late?" i got so shocked and kind of.. sad that he said something like this. i know i'm at fault but not on purpose. zzz. hais. anyway, i just went to the place where all the cloths were kept. hahas. and then.. found my brother. know why he blames? francis, the manager, kept him and said, "unless your sister reached, you won't be release." zzz.. precisely. hais

other than him, guess.. no one really cared that much. hahas. so.. i think hahas. quite saddened. hahas. i rushed despite my aches and tiredness. i wasn't supposed to even work today. zzz. and worked till 11. and scolded by mummy again. hahas. she said i'm risking myself to have worked this late. hahas. ya.. hahas.

but okay in all. i worked till gastritis acted up. very terrible. the acid ran up again i think. destroying my lungs.. i almost had a relapse during work. very difficult to even breathe. it just stuck there. a long numb pain. then sharp pain in lungs. in stomach, in lungs. i hardly speak. just.. hurts. so i need a rest today badly. it hurt really lots. i can't make it. hahas. i think. it's time to see my doctor again. hahas. maybe. stomach ulcer le bas. craze. hahas.. maybe. i'm too weak. hahas.

but zaw cut himself in the small finger deeply. poor thing. hahas.he's my colleague too. 19? ya.. hahas. he might need stiches, cos' it's bleeding badly. hahas. still pondering.. he blames me..~

but he talked to me la. like i asked him his blog? he said he don't have and asked if i use msn. hahas. but i asked again, "can you remember the address?" he shook his head. but weird. i look at him sometimes, spot for him.? hahas. thought he talked to me. and "huh" him. then he questioned, "i didn't say anything, why did you "huh"?" yeah. and he did something very silly again.. made me laughed. hahas. i just laughed. hahas.
mm.. i think.. hahas. wondered. hahas.. too silly.

oh. hahas.. anyone who call, sms me, whatever, i'll be returning sms es on monday. hahas. ya. thanks thanks~

quite nei jiu. i didn't go dance on friday. hahas. ya. tired. hahas. but it's okay. hahas. tomorrow see artist and dance. hahas.. ya~

i presumed i cherished everything, did my best. maybe i didn't do well enough to have a good result from what i thought. i.. now has a heart that no longer beats for that world.. i wondered, what can i do.. or maybe. what's done cannot be undone. for whatever cherish has perishes, it came to an end. may have regrets maybe don't look back. i know..we're people of different perspectives, maybe it's already a wrong to be existing there for that world. or maybe, i was thought to be "supposed to be" there. but i extinct. a form of escapade. finally i know how to let go. but..

this sentence was asked, "will you.. chase me back.. if i ever run away?" an insignificant girl said to him.
she may have gone far, nowhere in sight anymore..by now.

Squeaks` @* 8:19 AM

__________________________________________________________________

Thursday, November 15, 2007

i worked hard today. awarded with my $60~! hahas.. i'm in confusion. hahas.. but anyway. i know if this happens, it break away even easier. i just left a thin thread of likings towards him. i finally admitted. or even maybe, his gift, i will just pass it to him like his ex did when i was with him if he has a sweetheart now. and maybe the prepared gifts as well. he finally found someone of his heart. i should feel relieved. ya this is a mixture of relief and reluctance. but i should have got used to the life without him. so free. i had enough of being love maybe. yeah.

hey~ i got to know shane, a guy whose wearing captain's uniform yet is not. hahas. yeah. i feel.. hahas.. funny. he was so sotong~! hahas.. he actually hit the chair transport-er on our captain.. hahahas.. this is funny. it struck him so hard that he fell on his knees and almost teared. hahas.. poor boon wee.. he's the captain. and.. hahas.. shane~you guilty? hahas..

i really bu hao yi si.. i knocked onto him.. and then.. hahas.. his bottom.. zzz.. and. then.. he seemed to almost fell. i wanted to hold on to him so he won't fall but.. hahas.. held the wrong place. and that's the first time i ever.. hold a guy whose.. has no relations.. hahas.. i went blushing la~!! hahas.. i held his waist.. i did.. blush. hahahas.. let go at the moment i found the wrong one to hold. hahas. and.. i hahas.. apologised.. very idiot la~ hahahas..

and.. when he smile, i smiled brightly. zzz.. hahahas.. he toppled the high 10 stacked up chairs.. and when he tries to get them back in place, he pulled then first chair.. and.. *crrraaaaaaaackk.. he kind his sprained his back.. i wonder.. if he hurt himself. hahas.. and.. hahas.. funny.. hahas.. there was a slience.. then followed by laughter.. hahas.. can't stop laughing.. hahhas..

and i told him that he was lighter than me.. hahas. and asked him his weight. but he said, "hmph~ don't tell you later you laugh at me" hahaas.. hen funny. ahhaa. so.. i didn't get the information. ahahas.

he's one year older than me. and in hwa chong institute. hahas. it's a.. jc. hahas.. hen li hai o? hahas. direct entry to jc. haahs. ya. he only have psle cert when we talked about it. i laughed even more. but.. hen li hai i should say. genius. hahas. but.. he look like snoopy to me. and i told him. he say.. i look like a friend of his.

oh.. lastly.. hahas.. he wore something so funny. haahahas.. tops, casual wear. and a funny black leather shoes and socks. he wore something.. like more than ankle. still hen funny to me la~ hahahas.. sorry for telling this.. i don't mean to laugh. but.. you made my day. hahas

...i think.. i've hurt you. sorry

maybe. i'll see him again. ya.. shane tomorrow when i work. hahas. after dance. hahas.

mm.. i've got bruises.. ahahas.. and a small bicups.. hahas.. i worked too hard.. hurt and aches.. ahahhas..

my faults. apologetic. i don't know if it's jealousy anymore. or maybe.. it's a mixture of relief and reluctance of letting go. i don't know. but i know, i'm getting away. maybe..it's going off. i mean. love for him.

but it's really a pleasant day~~!!! hahas.. i laughed.. smiled. and my roughness.. hahas.. no more cute. hahas.. most... natural me. i found it.

Squeaks` @* 4:14 AM

__________________________________________________________________

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

hm.. this is it.. i'm too busy to do any report on yesterday.. but i felt even worse today. i didn't have enough sleep for yesterday. ya. i slept at 2 plus almost to 3am.. and woke up reluctantly at 5am. sians.. studying society survival course, my job.

yesterday.. i went to dance. and mistook that i had a meeting with him. but.. i really feel like going out.. to my surprise, qianyong asked me out and we finally, joined zhabo's activities. hahas. yup.. and even more surprised to hear from her that she actually play bowling. hahas.. amazing.

then i just went with their company to..plaza sing for a movie. hahas. the bee movie. hahas. so funny. it was about environmental concerns. ya. quite cool actually.. i totally support children to watch~!!! hen ke ai de o~and the i told qian about lots of recent happenings. ya. hais.. and that morning, i was 2 hours late for training. i got bad scoldings. but that doesn't ache as much as hearing from how teacher treat qian. she looked upon me higher than qian already. but..she used to be her favourite. now.. teacher whom looked poorly upon me, now has higher expectations from me. hais.

nonetheless, we ladies, the cool single group fights through all obstacles heh. and.. live really happily now. hahas

and today.. i got up so early.. really is tired.. hahas.. i even dozed off while working. can you imagine how tired i was.? ahahas.. i'm totally flat. hahas.. but all for the sake of bringing my siblings out for some joy and fun. hahas.. and my youngest brother made me feel like a wishing well, wishing tree or atm.. as if i have plenty of money to fulfill his desires. hais.. i'm going to work to death.

we went to watch "anna & anna" which i consider not a good show. cos' i don't even understand much what it was trying to imply. anyway.. hahas.. it's about Dopple..Ganger.. ya.. like a splitting image of yourself due to over stress.. and blah~~ hahahs. anyway. i don't really get the endings.. hahas. okay la.. but don't really enjoy the movie. but really happy to go out~~!!! hahas.. need to get up early in the morning. next time update how aunties bully us

Squeaks` @* 6:39 AM

__________________________________________________________________

Monday, November 12, 2007

this was how heart beats then~ but now, in a different momentum~

hey~hahas.. i woke up in comfort~ hahas.. cos' i had a nice sleep under the rainy morning.. heard before..? the best sleep is in a rainy cold day, in your comforting bed warmed by your blanket. lukewarm. hahas. in anyway, the start of the day always a drag, hahas. cos' i love my bed.

i got up in 12 plus.. hahas. late for dance.. hahas.. but got some tough dance steps.. i hoped i master them soon. hahas.. in anyway. hahas. i really sotong narhs.. thought i'm going ice skating today.. yet a disappointment. hahas. cos' i long time never ice skate le. then thought today i could. hahas. bei pian le. no lahs.. i didn't get the information right. it's an outing with ex-boyfriend. somehow. i was discouraged by friend, an online friend. hahas.

but sometimes. i was even called a silly by many friends. that i'm doing all this.. buying his anniversary that changed to a birthday gift as a blessing for his future girlfriend, finding friend to make something special for him, bought candles for his celebration and specially bought a glass bottle and something. i thought..so too. mm.. hahas.. ya. maybe can't help being this silly. well. hahas. feel happy in fact. to help celebrate for a friend. and as of now.. hahas.. a gift.

anyway.. hahas.. i'm getting tired easier.. ahhas.. earlier timing to be tired.. hahas..

ya.. i hai dao justin got to wrong hotel.. made francis so frantic.. hahas.. cos' i told him the wrong hotel.. hahahahas~~ mm.. zhen bu hao yi si.. hahas..

hey..hen tired.. next time update.. btw..i got my assessment books.. start to chiong.. hahas

Squeaks` @* 6:35 AM

__________________________________________________________________

Sunday, November 11, 2007

wee.. this morning.. my mummy woke me up.. then she called me go wet market with her.. ya.. hahas.. but hen ke lian.. i hate meat section.. the fish hen ke lian.. they were like.. suffocated to death..due to inability of breathing. then.. the body.. ke lian.. thrown on the metal "stage" to stage their bodies.. and.. then.. people.. choose the fish and have them dismembered.. this was what happened..

the fish was placed on the chopping board.. then.. beheaded.. the blood just oozed out.. then.. waa.. see the internal organs.. and the flesh.. then the eyes were like.. "save me" i know it's dead.. but.. i won't want my body to be dismembered too.. and.. so gruesome.. i cried on the spot.. teared actually.. hahas.. but my mum looked at me and told me it's dead already.. so it's okay.. but i can't help thinking.. if not for people's demands in consumption of them, they wouldn't die. ya.. i just feel uncomfortable seeing blood scenes.. and stepping on wet grounds where i see scales of fish.. the traces of them killed.. thousands and thousands of them..

hais..

anyway.. after that.. hahas.. it just rang the bell that i had to go people association for dance~ hahas.. and i reached there around 4.. hahas.. that started 2.30.. hahas.. but anyway. i participated in anyhow arts.. just think.. hmm.. worried.. that might affect my studies.. hahas. ya.. ahahahas but great.. i want to go chingay.. and.. also.. anyhow arts.. hahas

yeah~~

after that i dozed off looking at the book.. "where i want to be" i borrowed from.. library.. ya.. a nice one. hahas.. ya.. and then.. back home.. went crazy.. i wanted ask my brother for a game of basketball. hahas.. but the ball's gone. hahas.. spoiled.. nevermind. then i treated him in long john silver.. then.. bought hello panda, chicken nugget, clorets for my siblings.. long time never le.. hahas.. this was the best part.. my shuai ge, ben liang didi who is vermon gave me a ride there and home. waa~~ so xing fu.. hahas.. happy day.. everyone's happy.. hahahas..

i think.. most importantly, they're happy.. hahas.. i'll be happy too..

-joy comes from everywhere. but the most blissful joy is from your love one's joyous smile which definitely warms your heart.-

Squeaks` @* 8:29 AM

__________________________________________________________________

Saturday, November 10, 2007

i work le.. hahahahs.. so happy.. hahas.. i got a ke ai cake from the guest.. hahas.. this function is a malay wedding.. hahas

mm.. ya.. then a very cute cake was given.. hahhas.. hao lucky o.. today one is buffet.. hahhas.. then we very slack.. hahhas.. ya norhs.. cos' they didn't really request much.. they take food everything themselves. only one thing. hahas.. keep the plates.. made my arms so numb.. hahas.. cos' a lot to do. hahas. ya lohs. hahahs

but then.. got a friend of my friend.. she's quite dependant on people la.. waa. and complain quite lot. hahhas.. a bit xiao jie--(big missy) hahas.. like that very hard to work nehs.. hahhahas.. so.. hahas also don't know lehs.. hahas..

ya. but okay la.. all in all.. they say i look like a cartoon character.. hahas.. hen ke ai.. hahahs.. they more cute norhs. hahhaas.. kept laughing.. at whatever i do.. hahas.. yeah.. i want to rest asap.. sleep with my pillow~~ ^-^

Squeaks` @* 9:32 AM

__________________________________________________________________

Friday, November 9, 2007

RiiiNnGG~ woke up early in the morning.. destroying my beautiful dream hahas.. i dreamt of superstar who dotes on me only in a big concert. hahas. i received hugs, attention, care and concern. all handsome idols sia. heart beat fast. but wa lao~ hahas.. someone woke me up. my stupid phone rang. hahas..

but is important o.. hahas.. han sms me to bring her for interview of job and xue called to want me remember that we have dance practice.. hahas..

then i changed into the costume.. and.. then went there right away after hearing my gorgor's philosophy.. hahas. ya.. but i felt quite emo in the morning. hahas..

reached there and then, i was.. 11.10am? hahas.. ya late. hahas.. 9 plus start.. but everyone doesn't know the change of schedule. so.. many late. hahas. and we didn't really do anything la.. ahahahas.. ya.. hahas.. all we did was.. mm.. practice the dance that was going on a competition. ya.. but very lethargic in the morning.. don't even feel like stretching la..hahas.. ya.. in the end.. we did very little things..

little did i expect wiie and jessie, they came. hahas.. then they brought me to a joyous place.. hahas.. vivo.. hahas.. used to be a sad place.. but now a place where i have my buddies to change it new.. hahas.. we joked in the mrt.. eh.. the.. banana joke? hahas.. ya..

hahahas. really funny norhs.. hahas.. they very nice to me.. hahas.. brought me to long john silver for lunch cos' they had their but i didn't have mine. hahas. that combo 1..which cost $3.90.. later we went to baleno which i heard their soft voice pronouncing, bladder.. ahahhahas they laughed at me.. hahahas

and then.. hahas.. eh.. we went to choose clothes.. then she picked something different from what she initially wanted to buy.. haahs.. a cool jacket.. ya. i think we stayed there for 45mins.. hahas. see what suits it? hahas.. ya.. clearance stock ma.. hahas

and then.. we went to.. eh.. daiso~~~!! ahahahs.. the japanese stall.. hahas.. very long lo..

we saw nice nail polish.. then facial foams.. hahas.. but never really put it in the basket.. then walk as we choose and pick. hahas.. waa.. there got gardening stuffs, cutlery, baking stuff. hahas and ties.. hahas.. and.. mm.. waa.. the best corners for teens.. ahahas.. the tidbits.. hahas.. they chose something special. instant cooking stuffs? and maybe some seaweed.. don't know? ahhahahs..

then we went to origami corners hahas.. got cute papers.. i know.. hahas.. i will buy for next year de art de~ hahahas.. ya.. i got lots of idea.. hahas.. ya.. hmm.. and then. ahahas.. letters la.. hmm.. files? mm.. just these corners? hahas.. we took a trolley instead.. hahas.. cos' too much to buy.. hahas.. then.. i chose a winter hat, a pair of gloves? for ice skating~~!! hahas.. very cool de norhs.. hahs.. think.. candles too.. for his mysterical gift. and.. the bottle.. ya.. hahas.. so cool.. hahas.. everything same price. hahas..

then i also bought facial foams with them.. hahas.. cos' we love pretty faces.. hahas.. no la.. hahas.. then.. hahas.. we got hungry.. hahas.. this are the ones above.

but we poked each other.. hahas.. cos' middle person most sway.. the sides will poke the middle one.. hahas..then.. hahas.. we went to eat dinner. wiie had her prawn mee.. jessie had a fishball beehoon, me.. had hor fan.. hahaha.. ya.. but we're stared by the auntie and uncle cleaners.. made us feel so uneasy.. hahas.. cos' they look at us.. implying"can you eat faster?" like that.. T-T

then.. hahas.. ya.. we finished the food and went to the rooftop to play water.. hahas.. and took photos.. hahas.. but we met kind souls to help us take photos.. hahas.. but photos all in wiie's phone.. hahas.. ya.. she'll send me she said.. hahas.. ya.. we even name each other.. hahas.. cos' they laughed at my bag.. say is vegetable basket.. hahas.. so they call me obasan -- auntie.. ahas.. then jessie was called randomly by wiie "olaksa" as you can see laksa.. hahas.. and wiie.. called in return randomly ochehsan---blue black wound.. ahahhahas... so cute.. called the oba group they say.. hahhahas..

so cute.. hahas.. and we went to braddell heights for dance.. waa. tired yet happy and enjoyable.. i've never been this happy since that day.. hahahs.. yeah~ love them lots.. with these sisters around.. i'll be more than satisfied.. hahas. he won't be a big impact of affecting my life le. hahas.. happy..

Squeaks` @* 8:48 AM

__________________________________________________________________

About

.stella.sekki.
Age 17. Jan baby.
Student.Vocalist

Adores

I.adores.my.family
I.love.my.band.band.
I.love.my.friends.

Friends

Arthur.Rockstar!
Anonymous.friend
banana.zhabo's
beike.sister
Ben/Vermon.brother
cornelius.schoolmate5B
denyse.dancejunior
devilrinas.dancejuniors[nuers]
elaine.zhabos's
felicia.dancejunior
huiishaan.schoolmate5B
huiting.classmate5A
ivy.dancejunior
jason.band
jerrome.band
kamy.tuitionpal
khaiyin.dancejunior
kira.bandmember
linqi.secclassmate5A
liyun.dancejunior
magdalene.secclassmate4B
meiqi.classmate5A
min.cutegirl
priscilla.dancejunior
qian.bestbuddy
qimin.dancejunior
raychel.specialgirl
shitsteadjocelyn.mummy
shuqing.beike'sfrien
shiwenjiejie.sweetsis
sylvia.zhabo's
wanling.dancejunior
xue.sister
yanhan.dancejunior
yeejoo.5Aclassmate

Credits

Oh Boy~!

History

April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008