i wasn't supposed to be like this. not others fault but only to those who is a conscious wrong-doer. i... am one.
she asked the questions that wasn't supposed to be known. but trust me..completely.. no doubts at all.. it pricks me really hard, hurts me really deep.. to have tell her everything positive with dubious lies and hid all the negatives of truth. i.. lost my way.. didn't lie to her for my life. for her importance in life is far far far more precious than mine and an extremely cherish within me. she's too important. and if i ever lie to her and it's discovered, i'm a goner. not only so, it breaks her heart where i lose her attention upon me. she gave me my life. to see the world. what's life without her? i can never do without her.
on the other side, i felt wrong and guilty to cause him to put all blames on himself. because i should take bigger responsibility to be a conscious doer. i.. was...it's all my fault. falling into darker darkness.. i don't even know how to face him. i'm not a good girlfriend. not understanding enough, childish, demanding, disturbing. making him sad.. guilty.. all my fault..
hais..
my brother gave me a ride on the bicycle.. that was the first time. ya.. hahas..
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