always a person whom doesn't think happily, sees someone close, will feel sad. so.. am i the burden or the sentimental?
i just changed this blogskin. find it quite cool though.. hahas. long ago wanted to change le. just touched by him that he had the same blogskin as me. then, didn't want to feel different.
hmm. is this what i want? maybe thinking too much.. but kind of not letting go..paranoid. but so far this special feeling goes, the more.. i feel.. hmm..*smile.
actually, during this period of time, all the love and care showered, really enough to drown me. but still having to be expectation high, maybe, i think.. i didn't do a good job.
no matter what, things are kept the way it is. secret of each other has a distance to keep us away from one another. or rather, a gap. not trying to be hard. but i just.. felt that.. "distrusted"
it's really wrong to doubt. but. nothing of trust. from the past till now, every little emotional he might show, he kept in heart. or, answer is, unknown. just don't feel the right way in my heart. getting my mind thinking out of nowhere.
and..just like myself in the past, he told me not to keep in heart so as to not worry him. maybe, i did it. but others, remained the same. am i.. not an understanding one?
so far, i think i did my best. i suppose.. to keep both studies and relationship under control. capable? no.. still as lowly. not high yet not low. just like someone drowning in the pool, can't reach the bottom nor stay on the surface and just let the half-way ones die in the middle. people still look down. forever bottom.
finally, i think i did the right thing to care. ya. maybe it'll go on.. just.. on and.. on.. anyway, it's anniversary soon. maybe i was not caring enough.? nevertheless, i'll be there.. yupp.. hang on, maybe obstacles are still waiting.coming up. ya. well.. hahas.. tiredness yet happiness. though some people might think that the show ends here, i'll prove, it last longer than forever--confidence.
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