simple word.. i tried to ask.. when a pursuer meet an evader, they simply don't get an answer. an evader finds his sense of security, to protect himself from getting hurt. a pursuer who pursues the truth and answer, disregards getting hurt or not, just the truth. so no answer is found.
i want to be happy..
around 1.03am, she sits alone, leaning against the cupboard. in fear and in tears. she was frightened. with that fearful dream lingers on her mind, fright to awake. remembering she sat on the sofa just now, almost cried. but she smsed him.. hoping that he'll comfort her. however, an sms of some what not in the mood to comfort her, she was taken aback. went back to her room and cried.
nevertheless, she thank him for his care. continued crying.. though their relationship was almost reduced to nothing, she thought. for everything he does.. she was filled with joy. she thinks a lot. to make him feel better in the past few weeks. but hurts all over, especially her heart. when she totally felt helpless, she sent her friend an sms in the midnight for comfort, knowing her friend would be asleep. but she felt more at ease.
lying on the bed, thought she would just fell asleep. but tears can't stop. an sms received. "sorry. i wasn't in good mood". it was him. she replied another sms coldly. recalling his promise,"if anything ever happens in the middle of the night, no matter what i am doing, contact me okay?"
crying till 3am, she sent him an sms again. "it's okay.. i'm glad. that you cared. remember, not more than 30 mins? don't sad." her unhappiness gone in 30 mins.? this was her own way to happyness.
the next day, she confronted him about their feelings. still in dilemma. though this was what it was. she did something to amend. can she not think too much? she knew something was wrong. he saw her journal, saying that she's not optimistic about their relationship. therefore his reaction.
he needs sometime. to think, to conclude maybe.
"apologies to every word that used to hurt. sorry. promise me. go on together.? to any circumstance that might happen. can I? Let us walk thrOugh? you'll be the Very important. Every small little thing that we shared keeps within You and me and forever more? frOm this moment onwards yoU be in heart, forever. won't be removed. i promise." her promise to him.
all happy things that were shared in the past, she cried now. all the sad things the used to happened. she hoped to laugh at it. hopes everything turn to the past.
last week, she stood by the advertisement in the cinema. she cried. knowing everything might be lost in a moment that she really cherish.. when he arrived, was standing by her side, her eyes were filled with tears. shocked and turned to smile immediately, and pretend to rub her eyes. when his tender lips touched hers, she was filled with joy and fear. she hoped it lasted forever.
maybe not forever going on, she wished that he'll love her more. reduced? hold on her hands.. till forever. can he? hope and wishes. she loves him.
__________________________________________________________________
